Author’s Note: This is a work of fiction, born of my psychotic imagination. The characters are based on themselves, and they (along with their neuroses and psychoses) belong to Bertha (my faithful Muse) and myself. You may borrow them for your own personal use, but make sure they shower before returning them to me.

If you are sensitive to matters of sexual orientation, read no further.

If you’re under 18 in either mind, body, or soul, exit stage left. But do come back in a few years.

Send comments, questions, and cans of Dr Pepper (preferably full) to ingrid [at] midnightisland [dot com

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Prologue

This is the story of my life. My very fucked up, made-for-TV, be-glad-it-wasn’t-you life. Sit back for a while, and grab a shot of hard liquor to aid you through this tale. Better yet, make it a double. Or not. Whatever …

Let’s start at the very beginning …

Once upon a time (twenty-four years ago, to be exact), in a mansion by the sea, there lived a couple. Man and woman, by the way. And they had been trying for ages to conceive a child, much to their unfortunate failure. They couldn’t adopt, you see, because such an action would disgrace the family name. And nothing else seemed to work.

So the one day came when the couple met another couple. A teenage couple. A very poor and desperate teenage couple who had just become pregnant and had no idea what to do. So our first couple, being that they were so kind and generous, offered the second couple a whopping 20 million dollars cash in exchange for the baby once it was born. It was a very hush-hush, top secret operation that managed to occur undetected by the media by the grace of God, or perhaps…lots and lots of money.

Nine months later, a baby girl was born. Twenty million dollars were passed to the second couple. A newborn baby was passed to the first, and voila there is a new heiress to the fortune.

So, the second couple took the 20 million dollars and went on to lose the entire thing on some stupid gambling bet. Twenty million dollars, can you believe it?

I can see Jerry Springer all over this one. But I digress…

You’re probably wondering what any of that has to do with me. Well I’m getting to that. You see, the teenage couple had two more children. A girl and a boy. Guess which one I am?

My name is Valerie Michaels. Skye is my mom’s maiden name. I have a younger brother named Aaron and an older sister named Jessica, only she doesn’t know that I exist. Or, at least not in that context. It was never my intention to get involved in her life. Far from it, in fact, but I was put into a situation where I had no other choice.

You see, Aaron started stealing from the wrong people (I’m not sure there’s right people to steal from, but if there are, these people weren’t it). He managed to embezzle fifty million dollars before getting caught. I managed to get them to spare his life by promising to double the amount. Lucky for me, and most importantly him, that their leader owed me a favor. So she granted me the chance.

I came up with a plan. It was a very good plan and would have worked wonders if I hadn’t ended up falling in love…

Chapter 1

The way I look at things, we’re bound by decisions. Good choices built upon bad choices built upon good choices. Except that in my case, unfortunately, I had bad choices stacked atop an endless line of more bad choices that were in the process of collapsing all around me. How awfully ironic my life had turned out to be.

She walked away from me and I couldn’t do a thing to stop her. So I watched her, from the middle of the sidewalk through the lenses of Hell, until she was gone, swallowed whole by the cloak of darkness and distance, leaving me all alone to battle the demons she didn’t even know I had.

And she would never know. Not if I could help it.

I tightened the white robe around my naked body and sighed loud enough for nobody but myself to hear. There was no way to fix the tangled web my life had become. So I turned on my heel, my back to the street, my face to the building and walked forward, wishing nothing more than to go back. Back in time … to somehow keep everything from going wrong …

The door was wide open when I reached my apartment, and I slammed it shut upon stepping inside, taking out my anger and frustration upon the object as though it was the cause of my fucked up existence.

The smell of fries and burgers assaulted my nostrils and my eyes narrowed. My suspicions were confirmed a moment later as I crossed the short distance between the door and the kitchen.

“Did you thank your girlfriend for bringing us food?” Chris asked through a mouthful of fries.

Somehow I managed to find my last remaining ounce of self-control. I wanted nothing more than to rip the hamburger from her hands and throw it across the room. “What are you still doing here?” I asked instead, keeping my voice even and controlled. Never let them show you hurt … And I was hurting. I was hurting so much I was amazed that I could still walk let alone speak.

She put the burger down, fixing her dark brown eyes upon mine with a look of utter annoyance that was so incredibly characteristic of Christina Walker. Her brown curls bounced as she shook her head at me. “Don’t start with your pissy attitude, Val. You know very well what I’m still doing here.” With her chin, she motioned to the seat across from her at the table. “Sit.”

I complied, if only because I needed to sit down. Rubbing my temples with both hands, I looked down at the light blue surface of my kitchen table, then closed my eyes, wishing for silence and getting nothing but the irritating sounds of Chris chewing and swallowing as background music.

“You look like shit,” Chris commented, between bites.

I said nothing.

“So what’d you tell her?” Chris asked.

Silence.

Chris studied me, her eyes burning into me. “What did you tell her?” she demanded.

“Nothing,” I snapped, my patience bordering on non-existent. Then I sighed, looking away. “I started to …”

Chris was on her feet in a second. “Have you lost your mind!?” she howled, and I closed my eyes wishing somehow to shut sound along with sight. “If that bitch—”

She didn’t get a chance to finish the sentence. I had her pinned by the throat against the kitchen wall so fast she didn’t know what hit her. I glared into her eyes, daring her with my gaze to attempt breaking free. “Don’t ever call her that,” I hissed, suddenly feeling the crash of a massive headache split my head in two. I let her crumble to the ground in a heap of desperate breaths, as I stumbled toward the cabinets in search of aspirin.

By the time I found it, Chris was on her feet again, attempting to pull herself together. “Do that again and I won’t wait for the goddamn money.”

Her threat echoed through my brain as an angry voice in my head asked what I’d been thinking. I couldn’t let my anger take control. Not with Chris. There was too much at stake …

“You weren’t supposed to fall for her, Val. You getting all emotional for that girl was not part of the plan.”

“Screw the plan,” I muttered, wishing I could mean the words, knowing I couldn’t. I downed two Advil. Dry.

My comment drew a long laugh from Chris. “Right,” she responded, lowering herself down onto the chair she’d previously occupied. “No woman is worth that much. Your brother’s life is on the line here.”

Her words stung me, and I did everything in my power to avoid her gaze. I swallowed hard, wishing I was somehow strong enough to cry. Human enough, even.

“Have I told you that you look good as a blonde?” Chris said, following the comment with a sip of Passoa. “Makes you look almost angelic.” She had a good laugh at that.

I caught my reflection on the microwave door; distorted and unclear. How perfect. I noticed the blonde hair that framed my face. Angelic. Is that what Alix thought of me? Is that how she saw me? Is that how she wanted me to be? What would she think … if she knew the truth?

“I still say you should’ve left it dark though,” Chris continued, smirking. “She seems to go for the black-haired, blue-eyed type, no?”

My gazed darted to Chris’s face, and I wondered what was stopping me from putting my fist through it. Too many things, unfortunately.

Chris let out a long, over dramatic sigh as she stood. “You’re talking to what’s-her-face tomorrow.” It wasn’t a question. “She can get Alix to forgive you like last time.” At the door, she paused. “And quit fucking up. You’re running out of chances and excuses … and time.” The door slamming shut announced her departure.

“Satan has left the building,” I muttered on my way out of the kitchen. Loki made her appearance down the hallway and met me half-way. “You were hiding, huh? Smart girl.” I picked the puppy up and carried her back to the bedroom, kicking the door closed with my foot. I put her down on the bed and walked over to the closet so I could change into something a little less comfortable. Black and red flannel boxers and a white tee shirt replaced the robe. Padding across the black carpet, I made my way to the bed in three long strides and buried my face under a pillow. Somewhere within my head, my brain screamed to be let out. I believed it was actually attempting to pound its way through my skull.

After all of the oxygen had escaped the tiny space between my nose and the mattress, I decided to roll over. Loki was staring at me curiously, her little head cocked to the side as though attempting to comprehend my sadness. “This is so messed up, girl,” I told the dog, believing that she understood me somehow.

In response, she jumped onto my stomach and lied down there, staring up at me expectantly.

I scratched under her ears and sighed. “How will I get out of this one?”

Loki seemed to shrug.

I closed my eyes, wishing for a sleep I knew would never come. It would be more peace that I could ever deserve. The only time I managed to sleep at all these days was when Alix was beside me. How long until that happened again? Never if she was lucky. But of course, it wasn’t as easy as me just letting her go. I would’ve done it in a heartbeat if at all possible. But she was part of the plan.

No woman is worth that much. Chris’s voice echoed through my head.

No woman.

Chapter 2

Tuesday afternoon I waited at Whispers for my scheduled lunch date, something I was not looking forward to. I suspected that she would bring only the confirmation that I had indeed fucked everything up in a completely irreversible way. What would I do then? Fall to my knees and beg for forgiveness I didn’t deserve. How much longer until I could stop hurting her?

I shifted uncomfortably in the booth I’d selected. I hated waiting. It was a nerve-wracking and upsetting waste of time. I glanced at my watch. She was twenty minutes late. Tapping my fingers impatiently on the tabletop, I stared at the bottle of Corona in front of me. It was open. Why wasn’t I drinking it? Probably for the same reason I seemed to have quit smoking.

My head fell back against the wall behind me and my gaze traveled around the club. There were a few people dancing and a few people at the bar. It was a large crowd size for such an early time. La Rissa’s “I Do Both Jay and Jane” sifted through the speakers and I rolled my eyes at the music selection, thankful that it was my day off.

“Sorry I’m late. I know what a sod you are about punctuality and the lot.”

I gazed at Jade as she slipped into the booth across from me. I’d known her for a year almost. I’d found her outside once, getting hassled by some idiot guy whose ass I proceeded to kick. We sort of became friends after that. Not best friends or anything, but friends. I’d confided in her about my brother and she’d agreed to help. I’m not entirely sure why she would go through all the trouble of helping me get money from Jessica. I never did ask her why she helped me. We shared that same sort of privacy issue that I think helped to make our friendship work and I didn’t want to break that silent agreement between us. But whatever her reasons, I appreciated them. She told me that the only person besides Jessica and maybe Mathew, who had access to any of the safes at the Heart mansion was Alix. And if there was any document I needed to find, then Alix would probably know where to find it. The problem was that I couldn’t tell Alix the truth. It was risky enough getting Jade involved. I couldn’t risk putting Alix’s life in danger. I cleared my throat before responding. “Did you talk to her?”

The fuzz covered head shook side to side. “What the hell did you do to her? She won’t even talk to me. I sat in her room all day today and she ignored everything I said. Spent the entire time writing.”

My eyebrows rose in question. “Writing what?”

“Hell’s if I know,” Jade responded, motioning for the waitress. Then she paused and stared straight at me, her hazel eyes narrowing suspiciously. “You didn’t tell her did you?”

“No.” As Julie approached to take Jade’s order, I let my head rest back against the wall. Holding it up was requiring an unbelievable amount of effort that I was unable to expend at that particular moment. “I started to tell her,” I said, once Julie had walked away.

She stared at me in disbelief for a second, then shook her head again. “Why didn’t you?”

I sucked in a deep breath, and shook my head. “I couldn’t risk it.”

“I told you from the beginning she would understand.”

Silence.

Jade sat back and studied me quietly for a long moment. “You’re totally crazy about her, aren’t you?” My silence was all the encouragement she needed. “It’s not too late, you know? You could tell her.”

Didn’t I wish it were that simple. “You don’t understand…”

“You’re right, I don’t,” she responded, her voice taking on a sharp edge as she looked at me. “You promised me that no one would get hurt.”

For this, I met her gaze. “No one has gotten hurt.”

“I believe there’s a heartbroken twenty-year-old who would kindly disagree,” Jade replied. She paused to grab the proffered blue Curaçao from Julie. She drank some before placing the glass on the table and returning to the conversation. “Look, I just think you’d get better mileage out of this entire thing if you just went up to Jessica and told her the truth.”

I almost laughed at the absurdity of her suggestion. “Yeah, right.”

“You don’t know Jessica very well. She’d give you the money.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” I replied, almost regretfully.

Jade whipped out a pack of cigarettes and pointed the box in my direction. “Fag?”

“I prefer the term dyke, if you don’t mind,” I responded, then shook my head to decline her offer.

Jade rolled her eyes as she lit one up. “She’s been trying to get me to quit since high school.” Putting the lighter away, she blew a ring of smoke. “So, what are you going to do about Alix? The typical arrangement of flowers and box of chocolates will get you absolutely nowhere with that one, I’m afraid. Just a warning.”

“What’s your suggestion then?”

Jade fell silent as she contemplated my question. Meanwhile, I backtracked to her comment about my telling Jessica the truth. Which truth? There were so many to choose from, so many choices … and all of them were marked for disaster. Between death, chaos and broken hearts … how could I decide? How could I not?

“I’d wait a while,” Jade finally answered, nodding thoughtfully. “Give her a couple of weeks to sort everything out. If you show up now she’ll just slam the door in your face.”

Two weeks? “I don’t know if Chris will go for it.”

“You asked for my suggestion, and I gave it to you. Take it or leave it, that’s up to you. But for the love of Metallica, quit fucking with her heart. I’m begging you, from the very bottom of my being, give the girl a break.”

My gaze lowered. “I never meant to hurt her in the first place. You told me she wouldn’t fall for me.”

“I didn’t think she would. I figured she’d give you a date, max. She’s been gaga for Jessica since forever, who would’ve thought you would be the one to break the spell.” She took a long sip from her drink, then proceeded. “Whatever you did, I commend you. I bow to you. I’m just depressed as hell that you aren’t the real thing.”

Her words caused me to frown. I wasn’t the real thing? I’d never been more real than when I was with Alix. I’d had to adlib a few details about my past, granted, but I’d meant everything I’d said to her. Being with her, I almost forgot who I was and what I was supposed to be doing. What was that she had said once? Something about Fate. Yes. Evil, twisted Fate. Indeed. “I never meant to hurt her,” I said again, as though the words served to absolve me of all responsibility in the matter.

“Yeah, well it’s very nice that you seem to have fallen for her and all but what are you going to do when this is all over? Tell her the truth? Tell her more lies? You’ll lose her eventually either way if you go through with it and don’t tell her. Why did you sleep with her if you didn’t want to hurt her, anyway? I still don’t understand your reasoning there. I was so pissed at you for that. Do you have any idea how much it took for her to do that?”

That marked the end of that conversation. I rose to my feet and glared down at Jade before responding. “Two weeks,” I said, and walked away, wondering if the shattering of my heart had been heard above the music.

Chris was already in my apartment by the time I got back and all I could do as I closed the door behind me was wonder what on Earth I’d done in my past lives to deserve this kind of torment.

She put out the cigarette she’d been holding and sat back leisurely on my couch, staring up at me expectantly as I entered. On this occasion, she’d opted for the silky look, and was clad accordingly in a black button-down silk shirt and maroon silk skirt. Dangling jewelry hung from various limbs on her body and I suspected she’d either come from or was headed to some important meeting. “How sweet of you to dress up for me,” I commented dryly, throwing my keys down on the table beside the door.

“Actually, I was just visiting your brother,” she replied casually.

My eyes snapped over to her, as she knew they would. If my gaze could kill, she would’ve been dead a while ago.

“I’m afraid he’s losing faith in you,” Chris continued, rising to her feet. Her arrangement of necklaces and bracelets clanked against each other as she did so. “Can’t say I blame him. Even if you are Super Girl, a hundred million dollars is a whole lot of money.”

“I will get you the money.”

“Your persistence is admirable, Val,” she responded, walking over to me. “Frankly, if he were my brother I would’ve just let me kill him.” She shrugged. “But I do want my money back.”

I fought the urge to get away from her. “You’ll get it,” I assured her.

She studied me for a long while, her brown eyes burning into mine, trying to find any ounce of untruth. Convinced there was none, she nodded and returned to the couch. “I trust I will. Now. What did your little contact on the inside have to say?”

“She said Alix needed a couple of weeks,” I responded, leaning back against the door. I needed support, my mind was reeling.

Chris snorted. “That’s ridiculous. This is taking too long. Put a gun to her head, get the combination, steal the money, get it to me. Your brother goes free. I’m tired of watching you parade around with that little bitch—” She emphasized the word for my benefit. “—like you’re a couple of high school kids or something. If you’re just wasting my time, Valerie, let me know now.”

“I’m not wasting your time,” I replied slowly. “Let me do it my way and you’ll get your money. But I need more time.”

Chris shook her head and stood once again. “You’re not the one calling the shots around here. It’s your brother’s life on the line here, or have you forgotten that little detail?”

I closed my eyes. “I’ll get you double,” I found myself saying. “Two hundred million. If you just let me do it my way.”

She drew in a long breath. I could almost hear the cash register in her head processing the information. “There’s no way she keeps that amount of money in her house.”

I almost laughed. There was no way she kept a hundred million in there, either. “Trust me,” I said, looking over at her. “Two hundred million, in exchange for more time.”

A short pause, then, “How much time?”

“I’m not sure.”

Chris nodded. “Tell you what. I’ll give you a month. If you still need more time after that, it goes up to three hundred.” She started toward the door. “See you in a month,” she announced, before slamming the door shut behind her.

Chapter 3

I spent the next two weeks—when I wasn’t working, that is—trying to come up with some way of getting Alix to talk to me. I couldn’t just disappear from her life and then show up at her doorstep saying, “Hi honey, I’m home,” and expect her to welcome me into her open arms. She’d most likely smack the living daylights out of me and then slam the door in my face.

So I considered all of my options, again, for the millionth time, and kept arriving at the same conclusion. Alix couldn’t know. Jessica couldn’t know. I couldn’t involve any more people in this mess … I just couldn’t risk it.

Two weeks came and went and I still hadn’t figured out what to do. So, on a Tuesday, two weeks later, I’d decided to spend the day drawing. I skipped my classes at the university, and stayed in my apartment all day long. Still in my pajamas, I set up my easel in the living room and stared at the blank canvas for a long time, trying to find inspiration. Once I thought of Alix, it didn’t take long for my hand to start moving over the white surface, tracing lines and molding them into shapes. Time eluded me as I sketched the outlines of her face … her body. Night fell and I hadn’t moved from the spot I’d claimed that morning. I was wishing that the drawing would come to life, somehow. Put me out of my misery. My heart was breaking and I couldn’t piece it back together, no matter which way I turned, which road I chose.

Then, there was a knock at the door.

At first, I decided to ignore it. It was probably one of the neighbors asking for a cup of sugar or something like that. Then I stopped to wonder when a neighbor had ever stopped by my apartment. There were only two people who ever came by. And only one of them ever knocked. My gaze darted from the drawing to the door, wondering if I was being too hopeful. I decided there was only one way to find out. Piece of charcoal in hand, I walked over to the door and opened it slowly. The first thing I noticed was her eyes, green and sparkling as always. The second thing I noticed was the feather in her hand, and I swallowed, taking a step backward.

Alix walked into the apartment and closed the door behind her, looking around as though expecting someone to pop out of a corner or something. Then her eyes met mine and she aimed the dreaded feather in my direction. “I’m here to announce that I’m mad at you,” she said. “And I’m ready to throw this at you if you don’t tell me what’s going on with you.”

She was so beautiful. I doubt that she knew it, but she was. I loved the way her short hair fell forward, strands covering her eyes at times. My gaze drifted over her, as it always did. Baggy clothing concealing the beautiful body beneath. She was dressed in black as usual. Black Airwalks, black jeans and a black Aerosmith tee shirt I’d never seen on her before. Too cute. It was then I remembered that she’d said something about being mad at me and my blue eyes drifted back to her own. “I think you’re being a bit harsh with the feather. Perhaps you’d like to continue this conversation in the elevator?”

She took a step forward and waved the feather around menacingly. “Not funny,” she replied. It was then that she noticed the easel and the canvas and seemed momentarily distracted. “What’s that?” she asked.

Trying not to blush, I said something really clever and intelligent. Something along the lines of, “Umm…”

Feather and anger forgotten, she walked over to my drawing and stood before it, studying it intently. “Is that me?” she asked softly, not taking her eyes away from it.

I took a second to decide which answer would get me in less trouble. I cocked my head to the side and scratched the back of my head as I looked at the drawing. It was pretty obvious that it was her, so I couldn’t very well deny it, even if I’d wanted to. So, “Yeah,” I responded, coming up behind her, wishing I was brave enough to touch her. Perhaps I would’ve been, had she not been holding that evil feather. As it happened, though, I was too frightened of what she’d do with it if I dared cross the line. I cleared my throat as I always did when I was nervous and asked, “Do you like it?”

She turned around to face me, her body so close to mine I could feel the heat she radiated. She was kind enough to put the feather down on the coffee table before answering. “I love it,” she said, her gaze not quite meeting mine. “Guess you didn’t need me to pose for you after all.”

I ventured a grin as I stared down at her beautiful face. “No, but it would’ve been a lot more fun to draw.” I saw the sadness in her eyes and my heart shattered all over again. I couldn’t bare to look at her any longer. What could I say to her that would make everything alright? Jade was right, I was going to lose her either way if I didn’t tell her the truth. But would I lose her anyway? How much could I say before I said too much? “What made you come over?” I asked her softly.

She took a step away from me and then sighed, biting her lip in a way I’d seen her do a million times before. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us,” she answered. “Actually, that’s all I’ve been doing.” She pushed her hair back with her hands and let out a long breath. “I was writing this story and when I started it, I meant for it to be about Jessica, you know? And then, somehow, it ended up being about you. And somewhere along the line, I realized that I don’t know how to let you go.” She smacked her forehead. “Oh God, now I’m quoting Sarah McLachlan.” She smacked my shoulder. “Do you see what you’ve done to me?”

I rubbed my shoulder, though she hadn’t really hurt me. I couldn’t help the small grin that crossed my lips.

“Anyway,” she continued, “I thought I’d come by and give you one more chance. Besides, I wanted to exercise my right to be mad at you.” She crossed her arms and looked at me expectantly. “So feel free to grovel anytime starting now.”

Grovel? She stumped me, truly. I stared at her dumbfounded and blinked a few times before coming to the realization that too much was resting on my shoulders to blow it all away because I was too blind and stupid not to trust in the one person who was starting to mean more than the air to me.

Her eyes pleaded sadly and I could feel my resolve breaking. I looked all around the living room for a moment, my eyes narrowing. My apartment was probably bugged for all I knew. I was probably being paranoid, but I couldn’t take the chance. Not when Alix’s life was at stake. Besides, I hadn’t yet decided how much to tell her. “Let’s go for a walk.”

“Where to?” she asked, looking confused.

“Just to get some air,” I replied.

“Okay.” She nodded in my direction. “You’re going dressed like that?”

I half-smiled, a bit sheepishly, as I recalled that I was dressed in less than suitable attire for any activity that wasn’t sleeping. “Let me get changed.”

She nodded, and took a seat on the couch. “You might wanna try a shower, too. But that’s just a suggestion.”

I would’ve grinned but I was suddenly too overcome with nervousness to do anything but secretly panic. Was I really going to tell her? I wondered as I headed toward the bathroom. I decided to take the shower after all, if only to prolong the situation while I came up with what exactly I was going to say. Cause quite frankly, I hadn’t the slightest idea.

Chapter 4

You know how in movies every scene seems to have appropriate background music that works to depict how the characters are feeling without them having to say anything? Well picture this. We were walking side by side, down the practically deserted beach. Meanwhile, the theme song to The Twilight Zone kept echoing in my brain over and over again. All around me, the crashing of the waves seemed to say, “Tell her.” The wind, too. I thought I was going insane.

The night was humid with the promise of rain. A look at the dark sky confirmed that indeed a storm was approaching. Perhaps walking down the beach hadn’t been the most intelligent of ideas, but it had seemed like an appropriate locale for revelations. The waves were getting restless and the wind was starting to blow colder, but it hadn’t yet begun to rain, so we kept on walking. If it started to pour, we could easily make it to shelter.

I made a point of staring down at the sand, pretending to concentrate on the crunching noises my boots were making as they made their marks, leaving behind the traces of my existence. Beside me, Alix walked with her hands in her pockets. I wished that I hadn’t allowed things get so serious between us. I’d lost track of everything. I’d jeopardized everything and I wasn’t entirely sure that I could make things right again.

Yet the fact remained that I needed Alix’s help and I was running out of time to do anything but tell her the truth. Regardless of the consequences.

Surprisingly, it was Alix who spoke first. “Would it make it easier on you if I told you a secret too?” she asked, not looking at me. She sounded like she usually did, cheerful, but I could detect something else in her tone that I couldn’t quite identify.

My eyebrows shot upward at her suggestion. “I guess it depends on the secret,” I responded, wondering what anyone like her could possibly have to hide.

“Well, I’ll measure the shock factor of whatever it is you need to tell me, and then I’ll reveal myself accordingly.”

I doubted she could possibly say anything that would measure up to my dirty dish of secrets. “So, I’ve got to go first regardless?”

She glanced at me quickly and I caught the sparkle in her eyes as she said, “You did tell me that you liked having something to look forward to.”

Her comment made me smile briefly. “Indeed I did.” My gaze wandered off to the ocean for a moment as I decided what to say. Did I tell her about Jessica first? How much about that did she know? Probably nothing. Or did I start with my brother? Which way would make me seem like less of an asshole? Neither. Sighing, I turned my attention to Alix. “Let’s sit down,” I suggested, and proceeded to plop down on the sand. It was rather moist but I didn’t particularly care one way or the other. Alix was a bit more hesitant, but then dropped down beside me anyway.

“If I get struck by lightning,” she announced. “I’m going to do inhumane things to you with that feather. Just a warning.”

Glancing briefly at the sky, I saw no signs of lightning. Not yet anyway. “What do you think I’m going to tell you?” I asked her, curious to know what she was thinking and just how off she was.

She shrugged and played absently with a handful of sand. “We can go back to your apartment and play pictionary until I guess. Or even charades, I’m good at that.” She caught my gaze. “I’m not sure, Valerie. But I’d wish you’d hurry up and tell me ’cause the suspense is kind of killing me here. You can trust me, you know? I am the queen of secrets.”

“Oh?”

Alix nodded, paused as though recalling something, and shook her head. “Yeah.” The next thing she said almost to herself, but I heard her anyway. “I think Jessica’s alone are enough to land me that title.”

It made me wonder how many of Jessica’s secrets she actually knew. All of them? If so, perhaps it wouldn’t be so difficult to explain everything. But would Jessica really tell her? I doubted she even knew herself. “Jessica has secrets?” I wondered, hoping to sound casual.

She snorted at that. “Yeah. Probably one for every dollar in her bank account.”

“And you know them all?”

This question caused her green eyes to dart on over to mine and her eyebrows to rise in question. “What does this have to do with anything?”

If she only knew. I paused, wondering how blunt I should be, then deciding to just go for it. Like a band-aid. The faster the better. “Do you know about her parents?”

Alix frowned, staring at me. “What do you mean? That they died?”

I studied her for a moment, searching her eyes for a sign that she knew more than she was letting on. I doubted that she knew. If she knew that meant that Jessica knew and her parents wouldn’t have told her before they died. Would they? I decided to press forward. “No not exactly. Do you know anything else?” I asked.

“Why are you asking me about Jessica’s parents?”

“Which ones?” I asked, under my breath. I didn’t intend for her to hear me but she had somehow.

There was silence. Then, “What are you talking about?”

“Huh?”

She was watching me intently now. “What did you mean ‘which ones’?”

Shit. How did I explain this?

“Are you a reporter?”

A reporter? I would’ve laughed had she not sounded so serious. “No. Not even close.”

Alix was biting her lip again. She was watching me with a look that bordered on confusion and something else. Fear perhaps? I didn’t want her to be afraid of me. “Valerie, I’m two seconds from kicking you in the face and running for my life, so you better start talking now.”

I ran a hand through my hair, swallowing hard. “Okay. Uh, once upon a time, in a mansion by the sea—”

“What?”

Perhaps that wasn’t the best approach in these circumstances. I decided to just explain the easy part first. Maybe we’d actually get somewhere that way. “Remember when you asked me if I had any siblings and I said no?”

“Right…”

“Well, I lied.” I looked at her to see her reaction, she appeared to be waiting for more, so I continued. “I have a younger brother named Aaron. He’s eighteen, and sort of a computer geek. Anyway, he was involved with these people—”

“What kind of people?”

I hesitated. “Drug people.” Before she had a chance to react, I continued. “He was in charge of keeping all their information on the computer. Client information and money and so on. Well, he started stealing from them. Little bits at a time, so it wouldn’t be noticeable, except that it was. He’d stolen 50 million by the time he got caught and he wouldn’t say where the money was.” I shook my head, feeling stupid for my brother. “Their leader, which you briefly met the other night, owed me a favor, which is why Aaron had gotten the job with her in the first place, and why she hadn’t immediately killed him. She contacted me, told me what he’d done, and I rushed over to see if I could talk him into telling me where the money was. If he gave them the money back, they’d let him go. He’d have to leave the state but at least he’d be alive. Well, he wouldn’t tell me. I suspect it’s long gone by now. Well, needless to say that Chris was furious when I came back and said that he wouldn’t tell me. She was ready to kill him right there in front of me, but I asked her to give me a chance to get her the money. She said no. I told her I’d double it and she relented.” I looked at her then.

Alix was looking down at the sand. “So you were using me to get to Jessica so you could get the money for your brother?”

She made it sound so … simple. I didn’t know what to say.

“I’ll get you the money from Jessica,” Alix announced, though her voice was distant and cold. She wouldn’t even look at me. “You could’ve just asked from the beginning. You didn’t have to go through all the trouble of pretending you were interested in me.”

I parted my lips to respond but nothing came out. How could she think that?! Then I sighed. How could she not. “Alix,” I started, attempting to get her to meet my gaze. She wouldn’t. I kept thinking that letting her go was for the best. She was better off without me. I should just get the money, get my brother and forget all about this and her … but one look into her eyes and I knew it was easier thought than done. “I wasn’t pretending.”

She shook her head, looking anywhere but at me. “Sorry if I have a hard time believing that.” She looked up at the sky then back down at the sand. “It’s gonna rain. We should get out of here.”

Mutely, I nodded. I got up, then reached out to help her, but she was already on her feet and walking away from me. “Alix,” I called.

She didn’t turn.

Running a hand through my hair in frustration I looked around as though expecting the palm trees or the waves to have the answers I needed. Sighing, I started to run after her. I caught up soon after and fell in step beside her. She still wouldn’t look at me. And then it started to drizzle. “If I told you there was more, what would you say?” I asked her.

“That I don’t think I can stomach anymore revelations for one evening,” she replied, looking down, her hands in her pockets again. “You know, whatever it was that I expected you to tell me … I never thought it would involve you using me for money. The thought never entered my mind.” She shrugged. “Guess I’ve been pretty naïve. I should’ve expected it. You were too good to be true.”

“I wasn’t using you for you to ask Jessica for money,” I told her, not sure why. This admittance wouldn’t do me any good. It would only make me look like even more of a jerk but as long as I was being honest. “I wanted you to help me find a document I wanted to steal from her so I could blackmail her.”

She stopped dead in her tracks and only then did she look at me. “What?”

Oh boy.

“What kind of document?” she demanded.

I’d never seen her angry before and I decided right then and there that as beautiful as she looked with her eyes flashing in rage that I never wanted to see her mad again. “Her birth certificate,” I confessed, and felt myself sink further into the grave I was digging.

She blinked then her anger dissipated into confusion. “Why would you blackmail her with her birth certificate?”

How did I even begin to explain this? Then I paused as I notice her face change from confusion into something that resembled recognition.

“You know?!” she yelled. “How do you know?”

My turn to be confused. “Know what?” Then I realized and I winced in surprise. “Wait, you know?”

Alix looked distraught. “How did you find out? Nobody knows except Jessica, Mathew and me.” She stared right into my eyes and asked, “Valerie, how do you know that?”

Sighing, I said, “I overheard my parents talking about it numerous times.”

“Then how did your parents find out?”

I closed my eyes for a moment, willing myself to find the strength or perhaps the courage to say it. I looked right into her eyes and replied, “Because they’re her parents too.”

It’s amazing the effect that five little words can have when put in the right order and used in the right context. For the next few seconds I watched as Alix processed the information I had just provided her. My heart stopped beating, I was sure of it, and I wasn’t entirely certain that I was breathing either.

“I think,” Alix stammered, looking incredibly pale all of a sudden, “I think I need to lie down.”

I caught her before she had a chance to hit the ground and I thanked whatever gods had blessed me with fast reflexes because the girl had fainted fast. “Well damn. That’s a first.”

By the time she came to, which was only a few moments later, it was already pouring. She blinked through the rain, appearing confused.

“Hey,” I told her, “We have to get out of here.”

She nodded slowly and I helped her to her feet. When I was certain she’d remain in an upright position, I grabbed her hand and led her in the direction of my apartment. It wasn’t far and I knew a shortcut. We’d just get really soaked along the way. She didn’t say anything and neither did I. Instead, I focused on avoiding most major puddles, though it didn’t seem to matter because the rain was coming down hard and my tee shirt and jeans were sticking to me like glue. Personally, I didn’t mind, but Alix appeared uncomfortable and I guessed that she didn’t like getting wet. At least not with her clothes on. Um. Okay, let’s not go there. We passed by people under umbrellas and people under the protection of outstretched newspapers hurrying to find shelter. Cars swished by, cutting through the layers of water accumulated on the pavement.

We reached my building a few minutes later and I opened the door, letting Alix pass through first. A gust of cold air hit my body as I stepped inside and I saw Alix shiver. I didn’t even bother glancing at the elevator as I headed for the stairs. The swooshing of our shoes as they met with the carpet almost amused me. We sounded like a couple of ducks walking down the hall. At my door, I paused. If my apartment was indeed bugged, then Alix and I couldn’t discuss anything pertaining to any of the topics we’d touched on that night. But what was the likelihood of that? Could I risk it? Did I have a choice? I rubbed my forehead for a moment, trying to think logically. Chris knew I never had visitors. If she’d bugged anything it would’ve been my phone.

“Why are you pausing?” Alix asked, watching me curiously.

Glancing at her, I shrugged. “Just thinking of something,” I replied and proceeded to unlock the door. I flipped on the light, did a quick survey of the room, determining that no one had been there while I’d been gone and most importantly, that there was no one currently inside. Only then, did I allow Alix through. “I’ll get us some towels.” From the linen closet in the hallway, I grabbed a couple of towels and made my way back to the living room. Alix was staring curiously at my phone. “Something wrong?” I asked, handing her one of the towels.

She looked at me. “Do you have another phone besides this one?”

“The one in my room.” I was confused. “Why?”

She appeared thoughtful for a moment, then she caught my gaze. “You don’t have caller ID.”

“No, I don’t.” I started to ask why, when I remembered why she was asking.

She pinched the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes, as though attempting to halt the assault of an impending headache. When she opened her eyes she laughed slightly. “That shouldn’t really surprise me.” She studied me quietly. Then asked softly, “Did I hear you correctly, before I passed out?”

I nodded.

“You’re Jessica’s sister?” The words sounded awkward and I couldn’t decide if it was because she wasn’t used to saying them or because I wasn’t used to hearing them. Perhaps both.

Instead of responding to her question, I said, “We should get you into some dry clothes.”

For a moment, I thought she was going to refuse. In fact, I thought she was going to throw the towel at me and storm out. She looked torn and awkward and hurt and I felt so helpless I wanted to scream. “Okay,” she said, to my surprise.

In my bedroom I found a change of clothes for the both of us. I gave her a pair of black sweat pants and a green tee shirt. As for myself, I opted for black cotton boxers and a light blue tee shirt with the Whispers logo on the back. While we changed, I politely turned my back to give her privacy. I found it depressing that I felt it necessary to do so, since I’d pretty much memorized every curve of her body, but as much as I hated to admit it, everything had now changed between us.

The room was momentarily lit by lightning, followed almost immediately after by a clap of thunder that made the lights flicker and my skin crawl. Feathers and thunderstorms. Anything else I could handle. When I turned around, Alix was dressed and seated on my bed, petting a contented Loki. Unsure of what to do, I did nothing. Just stood there, a few inches from my closet watching her silently.

Green eyes rose to meet my gaze. “Are you going to tell her?”

Jessica. Was it always about Jessica with her? My sudden anger unsteadied me and I turned to stare out the window, attempting to find some mode of control. I had no right to be jealous. “No,” I answered. “I was going to get the proof, blackmail her with it, get the money and then return the birth certificate to her.” I paused to look at the ground before continuing. I wasn’t sure what it was about the floor that provided me with comfort. “I just wanted to help my brother out of the mess. I never had any intention of hurting anyone.”

“So, have you been spying on me?” she asked.

Her question made me turn around to face her. “What?”

Instead of answering, she asked another question. “How did you know I called you that night at Jessica’s, since it’s pretty much obvious that you don’t have Caller ID?”

“My phone rang and you’re the only one who has my number.” Well, that number. I had two.

“Then why didn’t you pick it up if you knew it was me?” she pressed.

“Because I was having second thoughts about the whole thing,” I admitted. She seemed both surprised and confused by my answer, so I decided to continue. “I had expected you to be different. I knew you were friends with Jessica and I just assumed that you’d be another rich snob. I didn’t think you’d be so … ” Unable to pick an appropriate adjective, I intended to let it just hang in the air. Of course, I should’ve known better.

“So what?” Alix asked.

A stream of words floated through my mind, but non served to accurately describe her. “I don’t know,” I stammered. “So you.”

Alix was silent for a moment, then said, “So you went ahead with it anyway, cause of your brother?”

I nodded.

Another bolt of lightning crashed nearby and I jumped.

“I’d get away from the window if I were you,” Alix advised.

I started walking toward her, expecting her to stop me and tell me to sit on the floor or in the corner or something. Instead, she moved to the side to make room for me and I crawled across the bed to lean back on the wall the bed rested against. Her back was to me for a moment and then she turned around to face me.

She stared at me quietly for a long time, studying me. I was thankful for the silence. All of the talking was making my head ache and my heart pound. I felt so drained, both physically and emotionally. “I have so many questions I don’t know where to begin,” she said finally.

“Well, what do you most want to know?” I wondered.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t think any of this has really hit me yet. I mean, I heard everything you said and I understand it … but it hasn’t hit me. I’m sort of numb inside.”

Instead of answering, I reached over to open the drawer of my nightstand. I dug around with my hand until I found my copy of Ayn Rand’s Anthem and pulled it out. All the while, Alix watched me curiously. I flipped through the novel until I found what I was searching for. “Here,” I said, grabbing the photograph that stuck out between the pages. I glanced at it for a moment, then handed it to Alix.

She stared down at the picture, then looked up at me. “Oh…wow.”

It was a picture of myself and of Aaron, taken a few years back. I’d been eighteen, he’d been fifteen. There was nothing special about the picture, really. Just the two of us standing in front of a car, looking annoyed at getting our picture taken. The only reason I kept it was because it was the last picture we’d taken together and for some reason I liked it.

“Your hair,” Alix said. “You’re not a blonde?”

“No, this was a recent development,” I answered, grabbing a strand of hair for emphasis.

“Why?” Then she looked down at the picture and nodded. “Cause then you’d look too much like Jessica.” She continued without waiting for me to answer. “Is this your brother? Aaron?”

“Yeah.”

She stared at the picture for a moment longer. “We’ll get him back,” she assured me gently. “But I won’t help you blackmail or steal from Jessica.”

“I know.”

She handed the picture back. “Is there anything else I should know before I call Oprah?”

Well, there was the small Jade factor, but did I really want to go there? No. I decided it was best if Jade told her herself. “Not really,” I said. “Are you okay?”

“Not really.” She smiled weakly. “I wasn’t ready for this.”

Would she pull back if I reached for her? Fearful of rejection, I didn’t attempt to move in her direction. “I’m sorry,” I said, like two words would do any kind of good. “I never—”

“You don’t have to explain,” she said, cutting me off. She didn’t sound angry, just tired. “I understand.”

Leaning my head against the wall, I focused on the sound of raindrops pelting my window. It sounded like a ton of little rocks getting shot at the crystal. Loki padded across the mattress and came to rest between Alix and me. She yawned and closed her eyes, resting her head on her paws. “So, what’s your secret?” I asked, letting myself fall into her eyes.

Alix looked around thoughtfully, then returned her gaze to my own. “I’m really a man.”

My lips twisted into a smile. “Is that so?”

“That is so.”

She had no idea how badly I wanted to kiss her at that moment. If she was indeed a man, she was the sexiest one I’d ever seen.

“I should get going,” she said suddenly.

A quick glance at the window let me know that the storm was nowhere near being over. “You can’t drive in that,” I said, turning back to her.

She was on her feet already, searching her wet clothes for the car keys. Finding them, she rolled the clothes into a ball and started toward the door. “Why not? I’ve driven in worse.”

“You don’t have to go,” I insisted, jumping off the bed to follow her out of the room.

“I really think I do,” she answered, turning briefly in the hallway to give me a meaningful look. “I’ll get you back your clothes,” she added as she reached the door.

Short of jumping on her and tying her down—as tempting as that would’ve been under different circumstances—there wasn’t much chance of my stopping her from leaving, so I let out a deep sigh, resigning myself to the inevitable. “Will you call me when you get home?” The request sounded pathetic to my own ears, I shuddered to think how it sounded to hers.

She paused, standing with half her body out the door and the other half still inside my apartment. “Why do you want me to call you?”

“So that I know you made it okay,” I replied, feeling incredibly foolish.

I couldn’t read her expression, but if I had to guess I’d have to say she appeared surprised. “Why?” she asked.

“Because you’re my girlfriend,” I responded and then proceeded to roll my eyes and wish I were alone so I could have the honor of kicking myself. What was this, middle school?

Her expression turned dark. She slipped from my view and shut the door without responding.

I stared stupidly at the door for a long while. Well, I’d gotten my wish.

I was alone.

Chapter 5

Loneliness will drive the sanest person over the brink of madness. Take loneliness and combine it with desperation and you might as well mix Potassium and water together; the result is the same.

The next morning, I found my pathetic self on the grounds of Baldwin University, feeling like a stalker on the loose and not particularly caring. I stood against a tree, my back glued to the trunk as I struggled to maintain a casual stance. My gaze was fixed upon Turner Hall and the window I’d calculated to be Alix’s. I wondered if she was inside. I wondered if she’d seen me. I wondered what I could possibly say to this woman once I was standing in front of her. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. If I could do it all over again … Such bullshit. There was nothing I could say.

Blue eyes concealed behind a pair of dark sunglasses, I scanned the area around Alix’s dormitory building. Fragments of conversations floated by me, each one seemingly increasingly absurd in relation to the soliloquy in my head. What I wouldn’t give for simplicity.

I fixed my gaze on the entrance door of Turner, half-hoping and half-fearing that the next person to exit would be her. But it never was. From my jeans pocket I withdrew a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I looked down at both objects as if they were the embodiment of something important. Without a second glance I threw them aside. The lighter hit the concrete and bounced away, ending up at some college kid’s feet. He cast a confused glance in my direction, then continued on his way. I have no idea where the cigarettes landed.

Sighing inaudibly, I leaned my head back against the tree trunk and returned to the task of staring up at Alix’s building. The red-bricked structure stared back at me, patient and mocking, as though somehow knowing that it possessed within its walls the very thing I was searching for.

The front door opened and my heart sped up. Once again, it was a false alarm. Out of impatience, I did something I hadn’t planned on doing. “Excuse me!” I called, half-jogging to meet up with the blonde. Catching up to her, I put on my sweetest smile and said, “Do you know Alix Morris?”

She looked me up and down for a moment as though attempting to assess any potential damage her answer could evoke. “Yeah…” she responded after a moment, dragging it out as though unsure of her answer. “She lives across from me,” she added.

“Do you know if she’s home?”

Blonde curls bounced side to side as the girl shook her head. “She’s got a directing workshop right now.”

“You wouldn’t happen to know where that is…?”

The blonde proceeded to give me directions and I thanked her a few times before heading off in the direction she’d instructed. I figured a directing workshop would house a lot of students and so sneaking into the auditorium shouldn’t present much of a problem. Truthfully, I just wanted to see her. To sit in the back and scope her out among the crowd and just stare at her for however long her class lasted. This plan however, was short-lived.

Finding the building didn’t prove difficult. I knew my way around Baldwin University pretty well, and so I had a fairly good idea where Atkins Theater was located. Once I spotted the large building with its prominent columns announcing its superiority over the less intimidating structures on campus, I proceeded to cross through the doors in search of Auditorium B. This, too, was not difficult. What I wasn’t expecting, however, was what lied at the other end of the double doors of the room.

Opening the door quietly, as to not disturb the professor, I set a foot inside the room. As expected it was large and full of students whose attention was fixed solely on the figure standing atop the gray-carpeted stage. Nobody looked my way as I entered. In fact, they were all so transfixed with whatever was going on onstage that my gaze darted in that direction. That’s when my breath caught in my throat.

“Okay, Melanie,” Alix was saying, her body half-turned to the audience. In one hand she carried a script, and with her free hand she was pointing at something on the paper. A short girl with purple-dyed hair and gothic-looking clothes looked at her intently as if Alix contained the answers to the world’s best-kept secrets. “Why don’t you try to block this scene?” At this point, she turned to the audience and I ducked down to find the nearest seat. I was thankful for the sunglasses. “I need a couple of volunteers.”

Hands shot up in the air simultaneously and I did my best to hide behind the people in the row in front of me.

Alix picked two random people from the audience, a girl and a boy, who quickly made their way up onto the stage. Once there, they were handed each a script and told to read over the parts they were going to portray.

“Okay,” Alix said, standing off to the side so that the three other people had center stage. “Melanie, I want you to block this scene to the best of your ability, taking into consideration that this stage is a lot smaller than the one you would be performing on.”

The girl started telling the two volunteers where to stand on stage and on what lines to cross from one side of the room to the other. From time to time, Alix would interrupt to make suggestions, but for the most part she stood to the side quietly, paying intent attention to the actions unfolding a few feet before her. I’d never seen her this focused on anything before and it took my breath away. She appeared so much older. I was so used to her shyness and awkwardness that this was a side of her I never imagined existed.

I’m not entirely sure how long it all lasted. It could’ve been an hour or fifteen minutes, but before I knew it, everyone around me was packing up their notebooks and Alix was wishing them all a good week.

My plan of escape was a simple one, simply merge in with the exiting crowd and make myself scarce. For some reason, however, this proved more difficult than I had otherwise expected and five minutes later I found myself still sitting at the same spot.

Alix still hadn’t noticed me, or if she had she was doing an excellent job of pretending she hadn’t. Instead of leaving, I managed to move up toward the stage while her back was turned to the audience so that I could hide to the side of her. I felt like such a fool. I wondered if there were security cameras installed in the room and I could almost imagine a bunch of guards bursting through the doors yelling, “Freeze.” That would’ve made a nice embarrassing story for Seventeen. And there I was, stalking my crush, when through the doors burst campus security. I rolled my eyes at myself, feeling even sillier than I already did.

On the stage, Alix was having a conversation with that girl Melanie and I figured that since I was already stalking, eavesdropping was only the next logical step.

“I was really hoping you could help me out with this monologue I have to do for my audition tomorrow,” Melanie was saying, in such a way that made it clear to me that practicing the monologue was not at all what this girl was after.

“What are you auditioning for?” came Alix’s response, and I could tell by her tone that whatever force of strength had kept her lively just minutes before while she was teaching, was gone now.

“It’s for Little Women. I’m auditioning for Jo in Miami tomorrow and I’m really nervous about it. I could really use your help.”

Say no. Say no. Say no.

Sensing Alix’s hesitation, Melanie continued. “I’ll buy you dinner as a thank you.”

My eyes narrowed in reaction to this latest development.

“You don’t have to do that,” Alix answered, and I could tell she was about to give in. Apparently I wasn’t doing a very good job of implanting my thoughts into her brain. “When are you free tonight?”

It was all I could do not to jump out of my hiding spot. Somehow I managed to stay still. I don’t own her. She can go out with this girl if she wants to. I told myself these things, but they weren’t sinking in. Mostly because I didn’t want them to.

“Oh whenever!” Melanie sounded a little too content for my personal comfort and I felt a growl escape my lips. “Whenever you’re free, since you’re doing me the favor.”

“I have a class in about twenty minutes,” Alix responded, sounding thoughtful. “How about afterwards, around six? Meet in my room?”

My ears perked up at the mention of the word ‘room.’ Did this girl know where Alix’s room was? Had she been there before?

“Perfect,” Melanie was saying. “See you then.”

I didn’t have enough time to be annoyed with the entire situation because it occurred to me at that moment that Alix was about to leave the auditorium and if she chose to exit through the doors next to me, I was going to have a lot of explaining to do. So before I had much of a chance to rethink my plan, I flew out the doors to the open air outside. I jogged to the nearest building and hid out of sight.

A few moments later I watched Alix walk out of the doors I’d just passed through and I breathed a sigh of relief that I’d thought to get out of there instead of leaving it up to chance.

Leaning against the nearest wall, I banged the back of my head against it a few times. What the hell was I doing? I stood there for a few minutes, and then walked back outside. The intelligent thing to do was to go home and take a long, hot shower and get away from Alix for the rest of the day. Obviously, sanity was a fleeting entity whenever she was around.

Of course, if I just went home I’d inevitably spend the rest of the night thinking about how I really needed to talk to her. This had, of course, nothing at all to do with the fact that I knew she’d be spending the rest of the afternoon with that she-demon, Melanie.

Not even a little bit.

Needless to say, I didn’t go home. I spent the next couple of hours walking around campus and buying crappy coffee from the student center. I found it amusing when random students would stop me to ask for directions. In the mood that I was in, the only rational thing to do was point them in the wrong direction. Which I did.

At around six o’clock, I planted myself on the lawn across from Alix’s building, leaning against the same tree I’d befriended earlier in the day. I sat there, nursing a cup of coffee, and feeling extremely creepy. I hoped the coffee at least made me look semi-normal, though I doubted it. I should have brought my text books with me. Of course, I hadn’t entirely planned out this particular adventure. In fact, I hadn’t planned to visit Baldwin University at all. I was going to do what any normal, sane, twenty-one year old girl would do after a night like the one I’d had: lay around the apartment and mope.

So how I got from A to B is beyond me, but there I was, sitting on the lawn across from my girlfriend’s (ex-girlfriend’s?) dormitory building, sipping lukewarm coffee and waiting patiently for who knew what.

The ‘what’ in question crossed in front of me promptly at six o’clock. I watched as her purple head with its black-clad body firmly attached made its way up to the entrance. The door opened on cue and she stepped inside, while a tall guy wearing a Marlins’ cap walked out.

Sighing to myself, I took a sip from my caffeinated companion. Frankly, I hadn’t yet decided what I was going to say to Alix once I knocked on the door. I was quite aware that following her around campus and planting myself in front of her building for hours at a time was probably not the best way of going about getting to talk to her. But it’s not like I’d been scoring any points with her recently.

Forty-five minutes later, I disengaged myself from the tree and threw away the empty coffee cup in the nearest trashcan. Then I stood by the entrance to Turner Hall and waited for someone to either enter or leave the building so that I could sneak in. It took about five minutes of standing there like a loon, but finally a guy opened the door for me and I walked inside. Alix’s room was on the third floor and I passed by several open doors, which reeked of stale smoke and incense. Loud, unidentifiable music drifted down the corridor, muffling the sound of random conversations.

Despite the fact that I took my sweet time getting there, I soon found myself standing before room 335. I stared at the door for a few minutes, as though captivated by the decorations adorning the wooden surface. Half the door was occupied by a large bulletin board which housed a dry-erase board. Someone had written the message: Alix, Jade called @ noon in red ink. I could feel my bravado weakening with each passing second, so I forced myself to knock on the door before it disappeared all together. The first knock was soft and received no acknowledgement. So I knocked harder the second time, putting as much will power and determination as I could muster into each stroke of my knuckles.

As the door opened, I held my breath.

Confused green eyes stared up at me from the crack in the door. “What are you doing here?” If she was angry with me she didn’t sound it.

It was my turn to respond, to say something so ingenious that she would have no choice but to kick the other girl out of the room and invite me in. “Is this a bad time?” I asked her, giving myself more time to think of why exactly I was there. I was also giving her an opportunity to turn me away … but I had to give her that option. She deserved that much. She deserves a lot more than that, you jerk, my conscience promptly supplied. My brain nodded in silent admission.

Alix glanced warily behind her shoulder. “I was kind of in the middle of something,” she responded, turning her attention back to me. I could tell by her tone that whatever it was she’d been in the middle of doing, she wasn’t particularly thrilled about it.

Feeling a burst of confidence, I said, “Well I kind of wanted to talk to you about something.” Not knowing if that was enough to convince her, I quickly added, “It’s important.”

She hesitated a second longer, then opened the door widely and walked away. I took the gesture as an invitation to step inside. I closed the door behind me and stood awkwardly for a moment before taking note of Melanie sitting Indian style on Alix’s bed. She did not look at all happy that I’d shown up. Quietly, I studied the area around the dorm room, not because I didn’t remember what it looked like, but because I had no idea what to say.

Alix’s side of the bedroom remained wallpapered in posters in much the same manner that her room at home had been. I particularly loved the solo shot of Steven Tyler hanging vicariously over her bed. I wondered if that was whom she prayed to instead of God … Or maybe she just found comfort in not having to stare up at a blank ceiling all the time. Who knew? She was certainly still a mystery to me.

Her desk, which rested directly to the right as one walked through the door, was kept neat. There wasn’t much on it, except for a gray Toshiba laptop and accompanying printer. A copy of Stone Butch Blues rested over the computer. Interesting choice in literature. I would’ve never taken her for a Fienberg fan. Next to the desk was her bed, neatly made for a change, and covered in black sheets. Her roommate’s bed served to form an “L” against the adjoining wall. Next to that bed was her roommate’s desk, which was currently stacked with books. There were a couple of dressers standing side by side against the other wall, and a Persian rug on the floor.

Once my inspection had ended, I returned my gaze to Alix who was standing with her hands in her pocket in the center of the room. Melanie was still sitting on the bed, looking suddenly confused and out-of-place. Ignoring her presence completely, I said, “You didn’t call me last night.”

Alix glanced at Melanie quickly, then sharply at me as though wondering why I was starting this while her guest was in the room. “I never said that I would.”

I pulled the desk chair out from under the table and took a seat. I couldn’t believe my own nerve. Had I been Alix I would’ve taken a bat to my head eons ago. I nodded in Melanie’s direction. “Would you mind giving us some privacy?” That’s right. Be all the bitch that you can be. That’s the way to her heart.

Melanie turned her head toward Alix, as if hoping that Alix would come to her defense by kicking me out of the room. When Alix didn’t say anything, she rolled her eyes and picked up her books. “Later, Alix.”

Awkward silence lingered between us even after the door slammed shut. There was so much I wanted to say but no words with which to say them, so I said nothing.

Alix sighed, crossing the room to sit down on the bed. “I can’t decide whether I’m more annoyed that you showed up here like this or more grateful.” She ran a hand through her hair, letting it fall back around her eyes. I couldn’t help but stare at her.

“I suppose both would be equally valid,” I responded, tearing my gaze away. Her beautiful eyes always managed to wreak havoc on my senses. I sat back on the chair, wishing I’d rehearsed some kind of speech before barging in here. “I’m not entirely sure why I’m here,” I found myself admitting.

“I thought you said it was important?”

I forced myself to look at her, attempting to read her mind. “It is.” Shrugging slightly, I added, “I just haven’t figured out what it is yet.” Feeling frustrated, I rose to my feet with no particular destination in mind. I just couldn’t sit. I avoided her gaze at all costs as I proceeded to pace around the room. Her eyes followed me for a moment, then she lied back on the bed and stared up at the picture of Steven Tyler. I wondered what she was telling him. Feeling foolish, I sat back down on the chair and stared down at the rug. After a few minutes I cast a glance in her direction, surprised to find her staring at me. She quickly looked away. “What?” I ventured to ask.

Green eyes darted back to meet mine. “Nothing,” she responded, and the lead singer of Aerosmith reclaimed her attention once again.

Why did women have to be so complicated? “What are you thinking?” I asked, and subconsciously cringed, half-expecting her to repeat her earlier response.

She seemed to hesitate, her gaze still glued to the ceiling. “Did you figure out why you’re here?” she asked, instead of answering.

I know why I’m here … I just don’t know how to make you understand …

“I talked to Jessica.”

Already? Hiding my surprise, I said, “Oh?”

“She wants to talk to you personally.” She paused, then added, “I didn’t tell her anything. Just that you were in trouble and needed her help.”

Shit. “Thanks.”

“So, if that’s what you wanted to talk about …”

“It’s not,” I added quickly. Not even close. “I’m not entirely sure that what I want to talk about is really … something we can talk about.”

Alix stared at me expectantly.

So, I searched my mind for the right words; for a way to explain everything that I wanted to say. In the end, I just went with the truth. “I couldn’t let things end with last night…”

She regarded me, her face impassive. “Isn’t that why you told me? So you could end things?”

“Not with you.” Never with you …

She sat up, running a hand through her hair again. “What with me, then?”

I stared silently at the Metallica logo on her tee shirt. “I don’t know. I just didn’t want to lie to you anymore.” She fell silent, her gaze dropping down to study the intricate patterns on the solid black comforter. I sat back in the chair, wondering if I’d ever get myself out of this mess.

My eyes wandered to where she was sitting, taking the opportunity to study her now that she wasn’t looking. I took note of the black Joe Boxers that had replaced the baggy jeans I was so used to seeing on her. I tried not to frown at the thought of Alix dressing so casually for Melanie and a pang of something I vaguely recognized as jealousy shot through my heart. “What are you thinking now?” I asked softly.

She lifted her head slowly to look at me, and it was then I noticed the tears trailing down her cheek. I’d never felt so helpless. “What do you want from me, Valerie?”

My brows furrowed in silent surprise. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t want things to end with last night. How do you want them to end then?”

My mouth opened to respond, then shut again.

“What do you want me to do?” she continued, her voice rising with desperation. “Tell you I forgive you so that you can feel better? Pretend that nothing happened? I can’t do that,” she said, softly. “I can’t forgive you for this …”

Every nerve in my body felt numb. The pain so intense I felt my body shut down. “I didn’t expect you to forgive me,” I whispered, but I had. Some deep part of me had hoped that she’d do just that. That she’d understand why I’d done what I’d done and be able to look past all the lies and the deceit. But no one was that forgiving. I knew that now. The numbness dissipated into anger; rage. Without a word, I rose to my feet and walked out of the room, hearing the door slam shut behind me. In a daze, I walked past decorated doors, down the blue-carpeted floors, down the stairs, through the front doors to the world outside.

Fuck it all, I thought, as I jumped into my Bronco II and drove off into the night. The broken-heart tattoo gleamed proudly on my breast, reminding me of my promise. Never fall in love. Never fall in love …

Chapter Six

“I want to see him.”

Chris’ eyes darted up from the paperback novel in her hands. If she was surprised to see me, she hid it well. With a flick of the hand, the book landed on the wooden surface of the coffee table in front of her, making a sound that reminded me of my first grade teacher’s ruler hitting my desk. I did my best not to flinch at the memory.

Chris rose from the black leather couch in the living room of her expansive estate. “How’d you get through security?” Her question bordered on rhetorical. She walked across the white carpet on her way to the mini bar and poured herself a drink.

“You should get better security,” I responded. “Any idiot could get in here.”

Chris smiled and sipped from her glass, her eyes fixed on me. “You’re hardly an idiot,” she said finally. “Although your behavior recently has been a tad questionable.” She returned to her spot on the couch.

“Let me see Aaron.”

Dark brown eyes narrowed for an instance then relaxed. “Sit.”

I hesitated briefly, but complied.

Chris studied me silently for a long moment, taking occasional sips from the amber liquid in her hand. “You look like shit, Val. Wanna talk about it?”

My brow rose. “You’re not my friend.”

“I’m not your enemy either.”

“Aren’t you?”

Her mouth creased into a smile. “No. An enemy would not have allowed you such liberty in this matter.”

I acknowledged the truth of her words silently. “Why then?”

She shrugged. “You saved my life. It is not something one’s bound to forget.” She leaned forward placing the now empty glass on the coffee table. “It’s really a shame that this had to happen, Valerie. You and I were close once.”

“Too close,” I responded.

Chris glanced at me, a smile playing at her lips. “Is that how you look at it now?”

“I’m starting to see things differently.”

She studied me again then shrugged away whatever thought she’d had. “They were fun times.”

Fun. I wasn’t entirely sure I’d grasped the concept of fun in my lifetime. “I guess.”

“So what sparked this sudden need to see Aaron? Need to be reminded of why it is you’re putting yourself through this?”

“Maybe.”

Chris seemed to hesitate. She sighed. “He’s in the basement.” She nodded to a door in the far right side of the room. “Make it quick.”

I nodded my appreciation and headed off in the direction she’d instructed. I opened the door and was immediately bathed in darkness. I almost regretted this decision. There was an incline of steps leading down to a corridor dressed in fluorescent lighting.

“Aaron?”

“Val?”

I hurried in the direction of his voice and found him a moment later, sitting on a mattress on the floor, his back against the wall. He jumped to his feet as he saw me. “Did you get the money?”

“No,” I responded simply, glancing around my brother’s confinement. Flickering blue light on the ceiling, mattress on the floor, toilet, and a tray of half-eaten food. He might as well have been in jail. “Nice place.”

Aaron snorted, sitting back down. He no longer seemed excited to see me. “What’s with the hair?”

“Plan A.”

He nodded, running a hand through his own hair. It bordered on black but not quite. “What plan are we on now?”

“No plan.”

His face paled slightly. “Are you giving up?”

I just shrugged. Truth of the matter was, I had no idea where to go from here. “There have been some complications.”

“Fall in love?”

I glanced at him sharply. “What?”

“Chris said something about you falling in love with some girl. Great timing.”

His sudden sarcasm grated at my nerves. “I’m not in love with anyone,” I responded and I felt a sinking feeling in my heart as the words left my mouth.

“So what are the complications then? Can’t you just show up at what’s-her-face’s door and demand that she give you the money? She doesn’t deserve it any more than we do. We might as well prosper from her good fortune.”

“I don’t want her to know,” I answered sternly.

“Well fuck that!” he yelled suddenly, his voice echoing down the desolate corridor. “It’s my life on the line here. Who cares if she knows or doesn’t know? I’m sick of protecting her feelings. It’s about time the little princess got a shot of reality.”

Sighing, I took a seat against the opposite wall. I understood my brother’s frustration and empathized with his anger, for it mirrored my own at one point in time. “Calm down, you got yourself into this. If it weren’t for me, you’d be fingerless and dickless at the bottom of the Atlantic.”

“What do you want me to do, kiss your feet in endless appreciation?”

“Just giving you a shot of reality.”

He let out a long breath. “Why are you here?”

“Just checking up on you.”

“And what do you think?”

“Could be worse.”

Blue eyes focused on my own for a long moment. “When are you gonna get me out of here?”

When … not ‘how’. The ‘how’ was up to me. I sighed. “I don’t know.” Then I added, “But I will. I promise.”

He nodded, closing his eyes. “I know you will. There’s nothing you can’t do.”

My heart ached in my chest. I stood, unable to bear this scene any longer. “Be good.”

He didn’t respond so I started walking in the direction I’d come. I was almost at the stairs when I heard, “Val?”

“Yeah?” I called back, not turning around.

“Be careful.”

I fought back the tears the sentiment caused, and climbed the stairs.

My decision to meet with Jessica sprung out from a moment of complete boldness and determination that seemed to pass as the Heart Mansion rolled into view. The exaggerated pace at which my heart was beating washed away my last remaining traces of courage. Unconsciously, I eased up on the gas, attempting to earn a few extra minutes.

The Jeep came to a complete stop before the tall iron gates that sported a strange design circling a large ‘H’ in the center. Security at the mansion was a series of contradictions that served to perplex me further on the subject of my older sister. The gates were nothing if not intimidating and they were guarded in part by a police officer, in uniform, sitting leisurely in his booth. I wondered why Jessica didn’t invest in an intercom system so that visitors could just phone themselves in? What was the point of paying someone to sit there all day?

The guard rose from his prone position as he caught sight of me. “Your name?” he asked, his manner friendly but professional. His eyes darted down to the clipboard in his hand and all I could see was the top of his sandy blonde head.

“Valerie Skye,” I told him, wondering if I’d have to show ID. The first time I’d been here things had gone slightly different and I attributed that to the fact that it had been Jessica’s wedding. I’d had to go through a series of questions asked by Secret Service-type men who in part checked and double checked their clipboards, then my ID. I had been shocked as anything when they said my name was on the list and I could pass through.

The young-looking guard looked up and nodded briefly before stepping back into the booth. I expected him to press a button to open the gates but instead, he picked up a phone and spoke in a series of codes that I could neither hear nor comprehend.

I was momentarily distracted from the exchange as the large iron gate workings began to move outwardly, parting in the center. “Thank you,” I said politely, then threw the Bronco forward through the opening. I watched the gates close behind me in the rearview mirror and I knew now that there was no turning back. I shifted my gaze to the road ahead and proceeded down the long road leading to the mansion.

The road, which I’d once expected to be paved in gold, was lined at both sides by a series of trees that made it appear as though one was driving through the middle of nowhere. You couldn’t see the mansion for the first couple of minutes, but eventually the trees cleared, giving way to the large expanses of property. The pavement turned to gravel and I could hear the crunching of rocks as they were disturbed by my tires. The gravel road began to curve as it formed a circular driveway around a breathtaking structure.

In the center of the circle stood a rather beautiful fountain that caught my eye. It appeared to be made of glass and glowed neon blue from lights that were perfectly hidden from view. The glass was shaped into a dolphin which appeared to be flying over the circular pool below it. Water sprayed straight upward and then curved, forming an arc, haloing the mammal in its flight. I stared at it in awe for a few moments until I finally regained my senses and killed the engine.

I sat back, staring straight ahead, still procrastinating but unable to set foot outside the car. Five minutes later, I unbuckled my seatbelt, withdrew the keys from the ignition, and threw the door open, jumping down into a pool of noisy rocks. Progress, I thought dryly, shutting the door so I could lean back against it.

I caught the mansion’s reflection on the side mirror. Part of it anyway. My body twisted around so I could look up behind me. I was instantly reminded of one of those castles in those Disney movies. Beauty and the Beast maybe. I wasn’t sure how many floors it housed. The mansion seemed to stretch out forever. Windows—hundreds of them—peered at me like judgmental eyes; watching, waiting. I took a step backward, then looked to my left. A series of courts stretched out about a hundred yards away from me, all ranging from tennis to basketball to racquetball.

Turning back to the mission at hand, I abandoned my survey and forced my unwilling legs toward the front doors. The gravel ended as a couple of concrete steps began and I quickly ascended and stopped and stared up at the imposing doors before me. The same “H” symbol was printed on both doors. I don’t know why, but it annoyed me.

Before I had a chance to ring the bell, the door on the right began to open toward me. The butler appeared in the doorway and gave me a curt bow before stepping to the side. He motioned me in. The entire butler concept seemed a bit surreal to me but I played along, feeling extremely out of place.

I had often entertained fantasies—mostly in my younger years—of switching places with Jessica Heart. If I’d been born first, all of this would be mine, I thought, looking around the foyer.

A bright chandelier hung over my head, illuminating the entrance in a way that seemed smug to me, mocking even. I made a mental note to seek therapy once all of this was over.

A long and expensive-looking rug welcomed my feet, then ended a few steps later as black and white marble tiling was revealed along the floor.

The butler—Maurice was it?—closed the door and stretched his arm in a pointing motion. “Ms. Je—Mrs. Collins is in the study,” he informed me, obviously embarrassed by his slip of the tongue. I hid my smile as I followed him.

The only place I’d visited in the mansion was Jessica’s bedroom and to get there one had to take the red-carpeted staircase a couple of yards from where I currently walked. We were veering away from it, to the right, down a corridor I hadn’t noticed existed. It was darker there and the wood-paneled walls disturbed me. They were decorated with paintings that reminded me of the ones I’d seen in my art books from school.

Maurice stopped in front of a set of double-doors, identical to the ones I’d passed along the way. He knocked and waited for permission to enter. Then he stepped forward and announced my arrival.

I somehow kept myself from rolling my eyes and entered the room. He shut the door quickly, leaving me alone with my sister.

She was sitting behind a large oak desk which was scattered with papers. The room was lit by a couple of lamps that stood at each side of the large window behind her. I could see my Bronco II from where I was standing and I wondered if she’d watched me as I’d arrived.

Jessica stood to greet me and I invariably swallowed as I stepped forward. She was breathtakingly beautiful, no doubt about it. Her now short hair lay atop her head in a fashionably messy style, partly spiked in the back and held at each side by a couple of miniature butterfly clips. She was dressed casually, as I’d come to realize was her style, in a pair of faded light blue jeans that hugged her curves quite perfectly. A small white shirt with an oceanic print in the center completed her look. Her face was unnervingly expressionless as she took me in.

I wasn’t sure what kind of impression I was making. I hadn’t been entirely sure what kind of attire was appropriate for this kind of meeting (Cosmopolitan didn’t have any fashion tips for meeting your long lost sister who didn’t know she was your sister). So I’d opted for my usual Levi 501’s and a black tank top that reached just above my belly-button, allowing a clear view of the ring therein. My blond hair was loose as usual, framing my face and cascading down my back.

We stared at each other. I had the oddest feeling that I was staring into a mirror, its reflection a jaded image of myself. A strange look passed across Jessica’s face but she masked it before I had a chance to interpret its meaning.

“Take a seat,” she instructed neutrally, reclaiming her chair.

As I settled into the soft cushions of the proffered chair, I felt a strange sense of sadness wash over me and I struggled to repress it with little success. What would it have been like to grow up with her as a sister? How much different from me was she? How alike? My heart ached and I begged my mind not to go there.

“Would you like anything to drink?”

“No, thank you,” I replied, though I could’ve used a shot of something. I kept my gaze far away from the intensity of my sister’s. I wanted so badly to hate her. Hating her made everything easier. I’d expected her to be different. I’d expected her to be snobby. I’d expected her to be a bitch. I’d expected her to be someone deserving of my actions. But she wasn’t. And all I could do was wonder what she thought of me.

“Alix told me you needed my help.” Her blue eyes fought to meet mine and I lost the battle. Her face remained as impassive as I imagined mine to be.

Inwardly, I cringed at the mention of the word ‘help’. Help was something I’d never asked for, regardless of necessity. I felt my pride deflating. Here I was, groveling at the feet of a sister who didn’t know she was my blood. Resigned to begging for the life of a brother who didn’t know the value of his own worth. And where did I fit into all of this? “I do,” I finally replied, my voice empty, as if I’d said those same words so many times that they were void of emotional meaning.

“What do you need?” she asked.

I locked our gazes together. “Two hundred million.”

She sat back in her chair and I attempted to read her mind. She continued to hold my gaze. “Why should I help you?”

Her tone wasn’t threatening and I suspected that she was testing me. “I doubt even you could put a price on a human life.”

Her features darkened for an instance and I wondered if she knew the specifics of how she came to be at the other side of that desk. Twenty million for my sister, two-hundred for my brother. And me? How much was I worth?

Jessica took a deep breath. “I’ll give it to you. On one condition.”

My eyebrow arched in silent question, my heart speeding up in excitement, my mind racing to figure out what she could possible ask of me.

“You stay away from Alix.” I felt the sting of each word upon my heart.

“Is that how you operate? My brother for your best friend? That’s blackmail.”

“Not blackmail.” She shook her head slightly. “It’s my right to be concerned for Alix’s well-being, after everything you’ve done to her.” She shrugged. “I don’t think it’s an unfair request, considering what I’m giving you.”

Bribery. That’s what it was. I began to reconsider all the nice thoughts I’d had about Jessica Heart. “I won’t agree to that.”

Jessica contemplated this for a long time. Then said, “You’d really give up your brother’s life for the off-chance that Alix may someday forgive you?”

“I will not let my future or Alix’s be determined by your bank account.”

“Just your brother’s life?”

Our brother! I was dying to scream. I felt so cornered and frightened and helpless. If that was her request, I couldn’t turn it down. But I couldn’t agree to something like that for money. Alix deserved better than that. If I was going to stay away from her then it had to be for a reason. “I’ll stay away from her but not because you told me to. I have no intention of causing her anymore pain.”

“How awfully noble of you,” she replied.

I bit my tongue to keep from lashing out at her. Of course she hated me. I’d betrayed and used and lied to her best friend and now I was politely asking for money.

Money that doesn’t belong to her.

But she doesn’t know that.

Money to save her own brother.

But she doesn’t know that.

The mixed emotions surging through my soul were overwhelming. This was too much. I blinked back tears I couldn’t share. I wouldn’t break down. Not here, after all of this.

“I’ll transfer the money to whatever account you instruct me to do so. It’s yours, no questions asked. Just get the hell out of Alix’s life and never come back.”

I swallowed hard. Was this it? All of the lying and pretending and worrying … it all ended with this meeting? Just like that? I rose, feeling completely void of emotion. “Thanks,” I said softly in a voice not of my own.

Jessica didn’t respond, so I turned and kept on walking, unaware of my surroundings. Looking back, I don’t remember how I managed to make it home. All I remember is walking through the threshold of my apartment and feeling all of the tension I’d so carefully packed away burst open. I slumped down against the door, leaning my head back against it and felt the tears streaming down my cheek, mirroring the notion that my world was collapsing all around me. My heart burned in my chest, wishing for a release I knew would never come.

Pain. That’s all I knew. That’s all I’d ever know.

I pulled myself together and picked up the phone. It was time to set my brother free.

Chapter Seven

Chris had been cynical about my call. Yes I had the money. Yes I could have it transferred within a few days. Yes. Yes. Yes. Just let Aaron go…

Of course she refused to do so until the money was in her account. She didn’t ask how I got Jessica Heart to give me the money. But blackmail would’ve been my answer, had she inquired. Either way, I kept feeling restless.

I decided that getting out of Florida was probably for the best. I’d go pick up my brother and then I’d get the hell out of the Sunshine State. Maybe I would head up to New York City or L.A. Somewhere interesting but far away. I had enough money in the bank. College could wait.

Jessica set about transferring the money to some bank account Chris had set up for special business transactions. I didn’t ask. I certainly didn’t want to know.

Chris had promised that on Friday, I could have Aaron back. By Saturday morning, I planned to be gone. I’d decide where to end up on the way. I had always been one to throw caution to the wind and my adventurous side kept calling. I could never sit still for very long.

But it was still Thursday and that meant that I had endless hours of waiting until I could breathe again. Besides… there was something I had to do before I left. Something that couldn’t wait another minute.

So I drove up to the University that afternoon, feeling the lump in my throat escalate in proportion with every stop sign. I just wanted—no, I needed—to set everything straight before I disappeared from her life forever. I ignored the pain that surged through me whenever I tried to picture the rest of my life without her. How emotional pain could manifest itself into physical pain so easily was beyond me. But somehow it was happening.

I didn’t notice the red Camaro in the spot next to mine, and even if I had, I wouldn’t have known whom it belonged to. Casually, I strolled down the sidewalk to Alix’s building, enjoying the feel of the warm sun on my skin, as I struggled to maintain the small amount of valor that had somehow pulled me out of bed that morning and gotten me all the way there. Please don’t let me chicken out, I pleaded to whomever was listening.

I found Alix’s door slightly ajar and I was about to knock but suddenly I stopped dead in my tracks.

Jessica.

I felt my heart speed up as something that resembled fear welled up in my being until suddenly, I couldn’t move. I had to get away from there. I had to leave. But I felt compelled to listen, if only for a moment.

“So you gave it to her,” Alix was saying. “Just like that?”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Jessica inquired gently.

“No. I mean, yes! Yes, of course.” Alix sounded unsure and I could almost hear her pacing around the room.

“I haven’t transferred the money yet,” Jessica began. “You’ve still got time to change your mind.”

“No!” Alix replied quickly. “She needs it.”

Jessica paused for a beat. “Do you really believe the story about her brother?”

“Don’t you?”

From the crack in the door I could see Jessica shrug. She was seated patiently on Alix’s bed. Alix was standing nervously in the center of the room, hands delved deep into the pockets of her black Jncos.

Finally, Jessica responded, “Quite frankly, I don’t see how you can believe anything she says.”

Alix sat down. “I have to believe her.”

“Why?”

“Just because.”

“Are you okay?” Jessica asked after a moment. Her back was to me, but I could see Alix pretty clearly.

“How can I be?” Alix wiped away at a tear before it got all the way down her cheek.

Jessica reached out to hug her. “She can’t hurt you anymore.”

Alix rested her head on Jessica’s shoulder and sighed sadly. “I’m never gonna see her again.”

“Explain to me how that’s a bad thing.”

“What do you mean?”

Jessica pulled away to stare at her. “What do you mean what do I mean? Alix, don’t you see she used you? Lied to you? Betrayed you! For crying out loud, she even slept with you!” Jessica’s anger soared with each syllable, her voice rising. I couldn’t see her face but I could almost picture her dark blue eyes glazing over in rage. “I shouldn’t give her that money. She’s gonna run off to Europe with it and use it to seduce young girls.”

“She’s not like that!”

“How do you know what she’s like?” Jessica demanded. “Don’t you see you were just an added bonus in her little scheme to get to my money? She doesn’t care about you!”

I was so close to bursting through that door and setting Jessica Heart straight on a few things, but somehow, I remained glued to my spot.

“What I don’t understand,” Jessica continued, “is why you care whether or not she ever walks through that door.”

At the mention of the door, I drew away from it, fearful that I’d been spotted.

“Because…” Alix started and I could hear the frustration in her voice.

“Because why?”

“Because I’m in love with her!” Alix snapped.

And as those words reached my ears, a gasp escaped my lips and I sank back against the wall, feeling the impact of each word as it all slowly sank in. She’s in love with me?!

“You’re in love with her?!” Jessica bellowed and I could hear the mattress adjust to the missing weight of her body. “How can you possibly be in love with her after all she did to you? She’s a crazed bitch!”

“Don’t call her that. You don’t understand.”

“What could I possibly not understand? She knew you were my best friend, probably read about it in People magazine or something. Stalked you down, seduced you to get to me and then got you all emotional over her so that you’d convince me to give her the money. It’s a genius plan and you fell for it hook, line and sinker!”

“It wasn’t like that! You don’t understand!”

“Then make me understand!”

Alix was quiet.

“I should just call the police and have her thrown in jail. Why did I let you talk me into giving her the money…”

“Please don’t…”

“Why? Just give me one good reason why I shouldn’t call my lawyers and have her ass thrown in prison.”

“Because she’s your sister…”

Chapter Eight

Oh shit!! I thought, my heart suddenly beating out of control as Alix’s revelation reached my ears. I invariably swallowed as I waited for Jessica’s reaction.

“What are you talking about?” Jessica asked.

There was silence and I leaned forward so as to not miss what was being said. Please don’t decide to storm out of the room, I secretly pleaded.

“Alix…” Jessica insisted, her tone bordering on impatience. “What are you talking about?”

“Hmm? What did I say?” Alix asked, innocently.

Jessica wasn’t buying it. “Did you just say that Valerie’s my sister?”

Alix laughed nervously. “Is that what you heard? Boy, Jess, you should really get your ears checked. What I said was that I really miss my sister. Don’t know why. Momentary lapse of sanity, I guess. You know how it is. Are you hungry? I’m hungry. Let’s get some food.”

“Alix…”

“Hmm?”

“I am two seconds from losing my tempter.”

“Okay, okay,” Alix conceded. “Umm…look, Jess, there’s something that you need to know but I can’t be the one to tell you or explain it to you cause it’s really not my place and so I think you should find Valerie and talk to her cause she could make a lot more sense than I would and she wouldn’t be babbling on like I’m doing right now.” Deep breath. “You know?”

“Alix, do you realize how frustrating you are?”

“Uh… no….?”

“Whatever. Look, I’m gonna go,” Jessica announced. “You’re acting weirder than usual and quite frankly it’s scaring me.”

I glanced frantically around me, trying to find some way to hide. I should’ve made a run for it right then, but Alix’s next words kept me glued to my spot.

“Are you going to give her the money?” Alix asked softly.

There was silence for a long moment, then Jessica whispered, “Do you really love her?”

“Yes.”

A sigh. “Then I will.”

My eyes burned with unshed tears and I felt my heart aching with emotions I couldn’t decipher. I had to get out of there.

I heard Alix say, “Jess…?”

But I don’t know what she said after that, because I ran as quietly yet as quickly as I could toward the end of the hallway, where I hid inside the stairwell. After a minute, I peeked around the corner to see Jessica’s retreating back heading toward the opposite side. She disappeared down the stairs a moment later and I leaned back against the wall, and let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding.

I stood there for a while, enduring odd looks from people heading up and down the stairs. Then, when I could no longer justify my procrastination, I took a deep breath and abandoned my hiding spot. At Alix’s door, I paused. Then knocked more confidently than I felt. I no longer had a plan of action. From here on end it was all improvisation.

“It’s open!”

I turned the handle, opening the door fully. Alix was sitting at her desk, her hands on the computer keyboard. She didn’t glance up at me right away and I stood there awkwardly for a few seconds before her emerald eyes finally drifted up from the monitor.

She blinked a few times as though she couldn’t believe she was really seeing me. “Hi,” she said softly.

I shut the door behind me before turning my full attention back to her beautiful face. “Hi,” I replied, lamely. “You’re probably wondering why I’m here after I stormed out the other night…”

“I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again,” she admitted.

I leaned back against the door, for support I imagine. Her eyes had this amazing way of disarming me. It was unnerving yet enchanting all at the same time. “Did you want to see me again?”

“I’m not sure.”

Well, at least she didn’t say no, I thought dryly. “I just came to say goodbye,” I lied, not sure why.

Her eyes reflected surprise. “Where are you going?”

“New York,” I said without conviction. “Perhaps California. I’m not sure yet.”

She nodded mutely. Then said, “Okay.”

“Thanks for everything,” I added.

“You’re welcome.”

I nodded. “Well, goodbye.” I reached for the handle, waiting for her to stop me. But she didn’t. I opened the door. Then I shook my head and slammed the door closed, turning back to Alix. “Look, I can’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“Walk out of your life like that,” I explained. “I can’t do that.” I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. “I need you to know a few things first.”

Alix sat back in her chair, crossing her arms against her chest and staring up at me with a look I couldn’t quite interpret. “I think I know everything I need to know,” she told me.

“No. You don’t.” I glanced quickly around the room, trying to buy time. “Look, I know that I lied to you. There’s no excuse for that and I can’t expect you to forgive me. But if I walk out of that door right now, I’m going look back on this moment when I’m 80—provided I live that long—and wish on every star out there that I could go back in time and do this all over again. So I’m going to save myself the heartache and just say what I need to say. And if you still want me to walk out the door and never return, then I will.”

“Valerie—”

I held up my hand to stop her. “Just listen.” I took a deep breath then proceeded. “When I first saw you that night at the club, I nearly dropped the tray of drinks I was carrying. Alix, you were so beautiful and so not what I was expecting that I have no idea how I even managed to make my way to your table without stumbling all over myself. And I was so torn between wanting to ask you out just because I wanted to and wanting to run because I knew if I went through with my plan it would be you I’d be hurting and even more torn with the knowledge that I had to go through with it.”

I searched her eyes for some kind of reaction but she was just waiting for me to continue. “When you asked me if you could give me a ride home that night, I knew it was my chance to walk away from all of it. I could’ve refused and never seen you again. I could’ve figured out some other way to get the money from Jessica that didn’t involve using anybody, but at the same time I couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing you again.” It was so hard to explain everything without mentioning Jade’s involvement. But I wasn’t going to drop that bombshell on her. No way. God, I’m such an asshole.

“Valerie, what are you trying to say?” Alix asked softly.

“I’m trying to say that—” I’m totally in love with you. “—I really did like you…” Stupid, stupid coward!!

“Oh,” she said, her eyes flashing with disappointment. She cleared her throat. “Look, I want you to know that I understand everything. And that there’s no hard feelings.” She nodded, more to herself than to me. “I do have one request, though.”

My gaze flew to hers. “Anything.”

“I want you to tell Jessica the truth.”

Jessica. Of course. “I can’t do that.”

Alix rose to her feet. “Why not?” she demanded.

“Because there’s too much at stake,” I explained calmly. “You know what would happen if the media found out about this? All hell would break lose!”

“This isn’t about the media!” Alix yelled. “This is about my best friend. She deserves an explanation, Valerie! And if you don’t give it to her, I will.”

“Alix..”

“You owe her that much…”

I sighed. She was right. I did owe Jessica an explanation. I owed her a lot more than an explanation. Resigned, I nodded. “Okay.”

She seemed surprised I’d relented. “You’ll tell her?”

No. No. No. Every fiber of my being was screaming against it, yet my mouth spoke the words, “I’ll tell her.”

Alix searched my eyes. “Do you promise?”

“Would you trust my promise?”

“Yes.”

I almost smiled. “I promise.” I took a deep breath. “Alix, I—”

“Why is it so bloody hot—” Jade saw me and stopped. She threw me a questioning glance but I had to ignore it before Alix suspected anything.

“I was just leaving,” I announced. I glanced quickly at Alix, then excused myself, nodding politely at Jade as I exited the room.

Making a promise and keeping one are two totally separate entities, and I knew that the longer I prolonged telling Jessica, the closer I got to chickening out all together. I kept running the scene with Alix over and over in my mind as I drove back and forth in no particular direction.

“Would you trust my promise?”

“Yes.”

One simple word and I was mush. She’s got me pussy whipped and she doesn’t even know it.

Three hours later, I finally found myself on Jessica’s property. If I’d been nervous the last time, it was nothing compared to the marathon my heart was running at that moment.

Always on cue, the door opened as I ascended the steps to the entrance and Maurice informed me that Jessica was out by the pool. I was surprised he didn’t take me there himself like he had last time. Instead, he simply pointed in the direction I was supposed to go and I headed off that way, willing my heart to slow down. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I shouldn’t be doing this. Why am I doing this?

Alix.

Oh right.

I took a deep breath as I reached the pool deck. The pool came complete with a Jacuzzi and what appeared to be a small waterfall off to the side. It reminded me of one of those pools one finds in those expensive beach resorts.

A burst of female laughter caused my head to turn in the direction of the sound and I found its source a second later. Jessica was splashing water toward the general direction Mathew was at. Mathew, in part, was holding up a blue floatation device as a shield.

I stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, trying to decide on a course of action. Finally I decided that coming back some other time was probably a good idea. As I started to turn away, however, I was spotted.

“What are you doing here?” Jessica called from the edge of the pool.

Walking a few steps so I wouldn’t have to yell too loud, I responded with, “I need to talk to you. It’s important.”

“And that’s my cue,” Mathew said, leaning over to kiss his new wife before exiting the swimming pool. He grabbed a towel from one of the lounge chairs and disappeared inside the house.

Jessica proceeded to pull herself up from the water, a puddle forming at her feet. She grabbed a towel and motioned for me to sit down. “I transferred the money, if that’s why you’re here.”

I sat and stared up at her as she dried herself. “I’m not here about the money.”

A dark brow shut up in silent question, and she paused in her actions. “Well?”

I shifted in my seat. “It’s about my parents…”

Jessica snorted and took a seat in the lounge chair next to mine. She hung the towel around her shoulders and grabbed the bottle of water resting on the floor between us. As she uncapped the container she said, “Do they need money too? No-no .. let me guess, they were kidnapped by the mafia?” She laughed at her own sarcasm and took a long swig of the liquid.

I waited until she swallowed, not affected by her attempts to mock me, then said the only thing I could think of that might catch her attention. “Thomas and Leigh Michaels.”

Jessica’s expression changed from impassive, to confused, to something else I didn’t understand. She stood up and threw the bottle of water as hard as she could. It landed somewhere in the pool. I wasn’t looking at it though, my gaze was fixed on Jessica’s and the anger I saw reflected there. “Who the hell do you think you are?” she yelled, so many emotions shining through her words that I couldn’t begin to separate them.

“Their daughter.”

Jessica blinked a few times, as if trying to comprehend the meaning behind my words. “You’re trying to tell me that you’re Thomas and Leigh Michaels’ daughter?” she asked, and I could tell she was trying to remain calm.

“My name is Valerie Michaels Skye,” I began, “I know—”

“Stop,” she said, holding up her hands. “What is that you want from me?”

I opened my mouth to respond but nothing came out.

“Do you want more money, is that it?” Jessica asked. “How much to keep you quiet?”

I narrowed my eyes in confusion. “Quiet? I—”

Jessica was laughing nervously as she paced. “It was only a matter of time before this got out. Shit.” She turned back to me, her unreadable mask firmly in place. “How did you find out about it? Must have taken a lot of research. Man, you’re a sneaky bastard.”

Something was totally wrong with this picture and I couldn’t even begin to fathom what the hell she was talking about. Did she lose her mind? “Research?”

She rolled her eyes. “How much do you know? The whole thing?”

“Well .. yeah… but I—”

“Okay, let’s cut some kind of deal,” Jessica said. “Name it and it’s yours.”

I blinked a few times and it started to dawn on me that she wasn’t believing me on the whole daughter issue. She thinks I’m a fucking reporter or something. “I’m not a reporter,” I told her firmly. “I don’t want anything from you. I just thought you should know that … well, that I’m your si—”

“NO!” she yelled. “I am of no relation to you, do you understand that?!” She continued to pace, and I could tell she was starting to panic.

God, this was such a bad idea. How did I expect her to react? Damnit! I rose to my feet though I wasn’t entirely sure that I could be anymore useful that way. “Jessica, you have to listen to me—”

Her eyes bore into mine. “I don’t have to do anything.”

Sighing, I reached into my pocket and withdrew the only thing I could think of that would serve as evidence: my birth certificate. I placed it on the lounge chair I’d been sitting on. “I can’t force you to believe me, but I can prove it to you. Keep that. You can have it checked out if you don’t think it’s real.” I stared into her eyes sadly. “I don’t want anything more from you, Jessica. Thanks for all of your help, regardless.” I turned around and walked away. Not looking back.

Chapter Nine

“I have no idea how you did it,” Chris said, laughing, sitting back in her office chair. She was dr