Las Aparicio

Rafaela

Rafaela’s storyline still involves dipping her toes into everyone else’s business, while being as subtle about it as possible. In some cases it means not being subtle at all. As long as she knows what all her daughters are up to, she’s happy. She’s even happier when she’s involved in some way. She’s also very busy trying to hide evidence and paperwork from Leonardo.

Alma

Alma breaks up with Leonardo because she finds pictures of herself in his desk. The truth, of course, is that Leonardo had someone following her to discover whether or not she was involved in Maximo’s death, but he tells her he had her followed because he was jealous and wanted to make sure she wasn’t cheating on him. Well, either way, Alma’s pissed.

Mercedes

Mercedes and Claudio have finally stopped pretending they’re not attracted to one another. Mercedes doesn’t trust Claudio so she keeps him at arms length, though she has trouble resisting him at the same time. This will probably go on for a while…

Julia/Mariana (and those other people)

We kick off episode 39 with a slumbering Julia who wakes up to find a naked Armando in bed with her. And she’s all, “Aaahh!” And we’re all, “Aaah!!” and Armando’s all, “I am dead sexy and neked. Let’s get it on.” But Julia points out that Mariana is there.

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Armando promises they won’t make noise. In fact, she probably won’t feel a thing and it’ll be over in fifteen seconds, give or take. He leans in to kiss her and she starts to let him but then she comes to her senses and pushes him away. Then she wakes up for real and turns around to find only Mariana in bed with her.

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Moving swiftly away from the ickiness of it all, we pick things up again at breakfast, where Mercedes joyfully announces that Rodo (that homophobic jerk that hit Mariana) has been arrested. Everyone starts to clap.

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And while everyone is super happy about the announcement, Mercedes does tell them that if Rodo makes bail then he’ll likely be out in a few days. But that either way, he’ll have gotten a taste of prison and next time he’ll think twice before being a homophobic jerk.

Unfortunately, optimism has no place in a soap opera…

Mariana and Rafaela are on their way home from a day spent shopping when Rodo, having spent about as long in prison as Julia did in Spain, poofs out of the nether to cackle evily and make it known that his guest spot on this show is not yet over. He openly threatens them while wearing his Powder Blue Hoodie of Doom.

Rafaela’s all, “Bitch, please.”

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Rafaela: “You know what happens to the individuals that mess with my family? They die from a gun shot.”

Good thing Leonardo isn’t around to hear her say that or he’d know for sure that Rafaela killed Maximo and then he’d be forced to shout, “MY NAME IS LEONARDO VILLEGAS. YOU KILLED MY ADOPTIVE FATHER – PREPARE TO DIE!” But that storyline isn’t going away quite yet, so there’s no sword-wielding Leonardo popping out of the nothing. Sadness.

Since Rodo knows he’s protected from harm by the Powder Blue Hoodie of Doom, he only laughs and then tells them, “Tonight I’m going to be at the amphitheater place beating up some gays. Here’s the address and the time I will be doing illegal things. And here’s my phone number in case you want to text me the exact time you and the authorities will be there to catch me in the act. Okay? Cool. Later, lesbos.” keep reading »

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I’m scared.

Armando: Please come in. Take a seat. How are you?

Julia: Good. You?

Armando: Good, good. Thanks.

Julia: You sure?

Mariana: You seem a little…

Armando: A little what?

Mariana: Nothing.

Julia: Are you taking any medicine? *points to all the beer on the table*

Armando: No, everything’s fine.

Julia: Okay, then, let’s get to the point of why we’re here. We wanted to talk to you, if you allow us to. Erm. A few things have happened lately and we’ve started thinking that … well… *elbows Mariana*

Mariana: That there’s important things in life and there’s other things that aren’t really worth it, you know? Like having fights and um … well… that’s why we’re here.

Armando: Okay but what is this about? What does this mean?

Julia: Specifically, we’ve come to make you a proposition.

I have no words to express how terrified I am right now. My first thought? Threesome. My feelings on that possibility: NO!! NOOOOO!! The second thought is maybe joint custody of Julia. Like Mariana gets her Monday through Friday and Armando can have her on the weekends.

I just … I can’t … my brain…

Is anyone feeling optimistic? I could use some optimism.


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If Julia ever goes back to Armando after all of this stupidity, I’m quitting television.

Here goes the sneak peek for tonight’s episode:

Julia: What are you doing here? I told you not to come back.

Armando: How could I not come back? I have to ask your forgiveness.

Julia: Forgiveness for what? For the way you talked to me or forgiveness for everything or…

Armando: Everything, Julia. Just forgive me, please.

Julia: There. Forgiven. But understand that this has nothing to do with you. You can leave without worries. I can’t believe that you don’t understand that this is something completely independent and that it has nothing to do with you.

Armando: Of course it has something to do with me. It has to do with me 100%. Because of me you’re a lesbian. You hate men.

Julia: *laughing* No, Armando, you’re very wrong. I can’t believe you’d say so many stupid things in the same sentence! Seriously, don’t think of yourself as so important. I’m not a lesbian nor am I anything because of you!

Armando: It’s a phase.

Julia: What?!

Armando: I understand it! But we can get through it together.

Julia: *facepalm* A phase?

Armando: Yes!

Julia: Together? What are you talking about? I’m going to repeat myself one more time and I hope it’s the last time I have to tell you like this: I’m with Mariana BECAUSE I WANT TO BE WITH MARIANA! Because we love each other!

Ileana: You decided to stay with Mariana?!

Alma: ILEANA!

Ileana: What??

Julia: Thanks a whole lot for coming to ruin everything. Now could you please get out of here and we’ll talk some other time?

What is Julia even doing at her mom’s house? Shouldn’t she be packing all her stuff into a U-haul by now? Or at the very least tearing Mariana’s clothes off again? Lesbianism, Julia, you’re doing it wrong.

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A few of you have tweeted me asking what the two girls are saying in the latest sneak peek of Las Aparicio, so I thought I’d take a break from my vacation to translate the dialogue for you.

Mariana: Hey. What are you doing?

Julia: I’m looking at the casting page, my love. To see if there’s one for us. It’s time, no, for us to do more castings.

Mariana: Mmm. I want to talk.

Julia: About what?

Mariana: (Taking the computer away) I want your attention.

Julia: Ayyyy. Okay. Talk to me.

Mariana: I just wanted to know how you feel. And what you’re going to tell your family about this.

Julia: Well, look, the truth is that I’m a little nervous but not that much because I feel that deep down they’re already expecting it. They’re just waiting for the moment I arrive and tell them, “Mom, Aurelia, sisters, nieces, I’m deeply in love with…” Armando, what are you doing here?

Armando: Julia, my love.

Mariana: No…

Julia: How did you get here? Why? When?

Armando: I came for you. I came back for you. You have no idea how much I missed you. I was dying over there in Spain.

Julia: Wait, wait wait. This is neither the time nor the place. (To Mariana) I’m going to go talk to him.

Mariana: Yeah.

Julia: Please. Please. Please. I’ll talk to him and take care of it.  (Walks off and takes Armando’s hand and leads him to the exit) Come this way. Come! Walk!

Mariana: *emo*

Oh, Mariana. Didn’t you know nothing good ever happens after lesbian sex on TV? At least you’re still alive.

So now what? Does Julia stay with Mariana while secretly yearning for Armando? Does she sleep with Armando? Does Mariana freak out and leave for the beach again to pick up some other lesbian that’s all wrong for her? Does Hernan give her a pep talk and cheer her up?

Why oh why did he have to come back? Oh, right. Soap opera.


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I was going to write things, but my brain is fried as a result of watching this. So, I’m just going to embed the video. Okay? Okay.

Errrrrm yeah.

Via | One More Lesbian


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I have absolutely no idea what happens before or after this sneak peek, but I think we should just freeze it in time and pretend that it’s all happily ever after from then on. Although we know better. Armando is probably going to be back five seconds later to screw everything up. But at least we’ve got 1:10 minutes of awesome.

I’m sure you can find it with English subtitles somewhere, but in the mean time here goes a quick translation of the dialogue.

Mariana: Why weren’t you a girl?

Julia/Mariana: *cracking up*

Julia: (laughing) What a dork. *smacks her arm*

Mariana: Hey! Don’t be so rough with me.

Julia: I’m sorry! (starts kissing it better until their faces are inches apart)

Mariana: Oh, no, Julia no. No. I’m not going to let your confusion steal another kiss from me. Honestly … you destabilize me. You’re going to drive me insane.

Julia: I’m not confused. Seriously, Mariana, I’m sure. I love you. (kisses her)

Mariana: But Juli–

And then more kissing! Yay!

Anyone else terrified? lol


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Rafaela

Rafaela continues to spend her time playing chess with Leonardo while trying to figure out his true motives, conversing with the ghost of Maximo, and trying to subtly encourage her youngest daughter to become a raving lesbian. On top of that, she’s also a mother figure to Mariana and a constant voice of support and encouragement.

Alma

Things with Leonardo were going well, which means that something had to give eventually. Alma ended up sleeping with Alejandro, for work purposes, you understand, except that what they shared was so intense and orgasmic that Alejandro has fallen further in love with Alma and Alma has discovered that maybe she harbors some deep-rooted feelings for Alex. As a result of all of this, Alma is now all awkward around Alejandro and Alejandro continues to be emo while still openly pursuing Alma. Alma has taken to being awkward with Leonardo as well, which works out because now Leonardo is also seeing Maximo’s ghost everywhere and is slowly losing his mind.

Maximo’s “ghost” is more of a projection of their own feelings about Maximo and so he represents different things for them all, though it seems that the common denominator is guilt. In Leonardo’s case, he feels guilty that he made Maximo a promise to investigate his murder and has, instead, fallen in love with Maximo’s ex-wife. So he’s tentatively trying to investigate the murder while simultaneously trying to not find anything out at all. He doesn’t want to know if Alma had anything to do with Maximo’s murder because then he’ll be put in the position of having to do something about it.

Mercedes

Mercedes got involved with a politician that helped her out tremendously during the Rosario case (lady whose sons were murdered and then called drug dealers). And she ends up going out with him a couple of times but she starts to get suspicious about him and though she agrees to a weekend alone with him, she figures out – due to his behavior in public – that he’s married. He’s married to a good friend of Alma’s, actually, whom Alma “helped” through the escort service. But Mercedes doesn’t know that and it doesn’t seem important that she knows it, since she tells the guy that she can’t see him any more.

As a result, Mercedes and Claudio – who has been acting like a jealous idiot the whole time Mercedes had the thing with Ricardo – get closer. And it’s sort of inevitable that they’ll eventually get together, but they’re not quite there yet.

In terms of work, now that Mercedes has taken on one of the most powerful families in Mexico, and then taken on the Mexican government, her next stop is: HOMOPHOBIA. Indeed, Mercedes’ latest Crusade for Justice is against hate crimes. And why? Well, because of Mariana. But I’m getting ahead of myself… keep reading »


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Rafaela

Rafaela is busy these days trying to put out fires in all of her daughters’ lives. It’s rough being a meddling mother. She’s got Alma’s relationship with Leonardo to fix. She’s got Mercedes’ latest Crusade for Justice to join in on. She’s got Julia’s lesbisexuality to unearth. When she’s got a spare moment she helps Isadora with her homework and somehow finds enough time to drink her gourmet coffee, light candles for her ex-husbands, and make fun of Iliana for doing yoga. I wish I had her time management skills.

Alma

Oh hey, remember when I said Alma was emo because she couldn’t tell Leonardo the truth about her escort business ventures? Well, scratch that, because she finally tells him the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, and at first Leonardo is like, “YOU BIOTCH WHY DID YOU TELL ME YOUR SECRETS AFTER I HAVE BEEN SUBTLY PUSHING YOU TO TELL ME YOUR SECRETS? I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU WHILE REMAINING TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS AT THE SAME TIME. NOW EVERYTHING IS RUINED! RUINED! WOE!”

But then he gets over it, or pretends to get over it, while still having issues with it, and he and Alma get back together and he resigns himself to making passive aggressive comments about her “job.” Mostly, he takes issue with the fact that she has to “initiate” the new escorts (read: sex them up three ways from Sunday). Particularly, he hates that she slept with Alejandro because he’s jealous of Alejandro. This works out really well because as it turns out, Alejandro is super jealous of Leonardo.

Speaking of Alejandro, he was super happy for a while because he was growing closer to Alma and then Alma and Leonardo broke up, so he was even happier, but then Alma and Leonardo got back together and now he’s emo. He and Mariana need to join some sort of club and discuss the unfortunate luck of being loveable, well-adjusted characters in a soap opera.

Mercedes

After going after one of the strongest/wealthiest families in Mexico in order to win rights for a transgender client (and succeeding), Super Mercedes now finds herself with a client who wants to go after the Mexican government. NO PROBLEM. And afterwards, Mercedes will single-handedly plug up the oil leak in the Gulf, close up the sinkhole in Guatemala, and still be home in time to tuck her daughter into bed. Because she’s just that awesome. keep reading »


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If you’ve missed any episodes and want to catch up, here you go:

And here’s what’s happened during episodes 21 through 24…

Rafaela

Rafaela seems to have warmed up to Leonardo a little, especially now that Alma broke up with him (in episode 20). I don’t think she trusts him, but she keeps seeking him out and is still interested in doing business with him. Maybe she’s bored. Maybe she’s intrigued by him. Maybe they just needed a reason to keep Leonardo around. Maybe all of the above.

Alma

Alma is a little emo now because she misses Leonardo but she can’t get back together with him because she can’t tell him about the male escort service. And Leonardo is emo because he misses Alma and has fallen totally in obsession with her and even playing board games with hookers does not alieviate his pain. Woe. He’s frustrated because he knows Alma is hiding something from him but he doesn’t know what it is. His guess is that she’s a prostitute. Ha! Please, sir, have you not met the woman? Lady Alma is nobody’s slore. She runs the place, yo. By the way, Leonardo doesn’t seem to mind too much that he’s actually hiding stuff from Alma, too. Such as, say, that he purposely sought her out because he wanted to know if she had anything to do with Maximo’s death, since, you know, Maximo was Leonardo’s mentor. But whatever. Men are above such things as conscience and guilt.

Alma’s only a little emo, though, because she’s also busy trying to solve other people’s problems. Some lady came to her Women Sexuality class (I still don’t know what exactly it is she teaches, but that sounds accurate enough, given the subject matter), and Alma decides the woman needs some help. So she’s been using Alejandro (male escort extraordinaire) to dig deep into the lady’s psyche. In the process they discover that the woman was molested by her uncle and also that Alejandro was molested as a child.

All in a day’s work for Alma Aparicio.

Mercedes

Ever since Claudio gave Mercedes the name of her dead husband’s mistress, Mercedes can think of nothing else. She debates incessantly over whether or not to call the woman, meet the woman, what to say to the woman, what the woman might look like, etc. This goes on for a couple of episodes, though eventually she does manage to track down the lady – whose name is Olga – and agree to meet up. Oh hai, awkwardness.

Leading up to the meetup, Mercedes (and her sisters) talk ad nauseum about what might happen during that meetup and what the lady might look like and what she’ll say to the lady, etc. Mercedes’ biggest nightmare is that Olga will turn out to be a 20-something wet t-shirt contest winning nymphomaniac Maxim-cover model (or something). As it turns out, Olga is like 30-40% less attractive than Mercedes and is actually a pretty groovy chick who is less anal retentive than Perfect Mercedes Aparicio. They have a nice chat and Mercedes finds out that her husband’s last words were, “If Mercedes finds out, she’ll kill me.” Fitting, I think.

Mercedes is growing closer to Claudio, who has pulled a Helena Peabody-esque personality change and is now a pretty groovy dude.

Julia/Mariana (and Armando)

Okay, so we’re not yet rid of Armando. Perhaps we will never be rid of Armando. Sadness.

Julia and Mariana made up (but not out, unfortunately), and have now joined an acting workshop that disturbs me to the core. But anyway, let’s first isolate the latest plot/conflict (because Armando’s sex addiction seems to have vanished into the void). keep reading »


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If you’ve missed any of my previous recaps, here you go:

Those of you all caught up, read on!

Rafaela

Mama Rafaela continues to be suspicious of all the men in her daughters’ lives. She even goes as far as inviting Leonardo (Alma’s boyfriend) to a game of chess (and lets him win even though she’s a chess genius). The two of them spend a while chatting, being suspicious of each other, and generally being passive-aggressive.

Alma

Alma is starting to unravel a little bit because she doesn’t know how to move forward with Leonardo. She can’t be totally honest about her Top Secret Male Escort business, but she doesn’t know how to be in a serious relationship and still keep so much of herself hidden. I’m sure if she knew that he was secretly investigating her, following her, and lying to her she’d feel a little less uncertain about things. Leonardo isn’t all bad though. His feelings for Alma seem genuine despite all the lies. He’s sort of stuck too, now, because he’s in love with her but doesn’t trust her, and is still doubtful as to whether or not Alma had anything to do with Maximo’s murder.

To further complicate things, Alma has grown closer to Male Escort Alejandro, who is also in love with her. With him, she can be totally honest since he knows all her Deep Dark Secrets. But she still seems more into Leonardo.

At the end of episode 20, Leonardo asks Alma to meet him at the bar where they first met. Alma shows up and the two of them make a game out of revisiting their first conversation, line by line. But eventually Alma changes the script and tells him that instead of saying what she’d originally said, she’s going to say what she should have said, which is that he looks like a man that can complicate her life and that she doesn’t want to go home with him. And then she walks away from him. So I’m not sure whether that was her way of breaking up with him or not. Regardless, I doubt that’s the last we’ll see of Leonardo.

In related news, Alma’s daughter, Ileana, is still dating Male Escort Mauro, who has agreed to a vow of chastity in order to date her. Ileana is still oblivious to the fact that Mauro is not actually a male model but rather a semi-retired manslut that used to work for her mother. When the truth comes out it’s not going to be pretty. keep reading »


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